My Antonin
by carolinear
Summary: Herein lies the life of Alecto Carrow; it's sometimes sad, sometimes sweet, sometimes dark, but always interesting- Antonin Dolohov makes sure of that. AC/AD.
1. Prologue

**Prologue**

"Alecto! Alecto, come _on."_

It had to be one of the most terrible feelings in the world, netted up and defeated in Ravenclaw tower. And to know just minutes before- mere minutes- I'd had the Potter brat right under my thumb, had gotten a taste of victory before it was snatched away by the unpleasant sensation of unconsciousness.

I woke to my brother kneeling over me and a couple more of us- Death Eaters, that is- looming nearby. I squirmed out of my bindings; my heart was pounding against my ribcage. I knew I was going to be in trouble, but I wasn't so sure of when, exactly, it would come to me.

I suppose the only reason they unbound us was because there was a battle raging and our loyalty was required. Amycus, swearing in a way that would have made our mother wince and our father proud, ran into the fray without any hesitance; I found myself more loath to rush into the heart of things. Let them fight, I thought. Assess the situation, then act on what you see. Never endanger yourself where it's unnecessary.

For giving a false alarm of having caught Potter, I knew the price was already high on my head- why fight for a being, supreme or not, who was only going to kill me? Then again, the world needed rid of the scum, the Mudbloods and Muggles, and if I aided with that, perhaps my charges would not be held against me-- and so I, too, after a moment's thought, plunged into the chaos.

The Slytherin self-preservation instinct kicked in almost immediately. I cast more shielding charms for myself than I did anything offensive; who would know the difference? I was almost positive my brother would probably be doing the same in some other part of the castle.

Suddenly, a familiar figure caught my eye, and my wand was momentarily still. He looked just as handsome, if not a bit worse for wear, than he had the last time I'd seen him in August, just as dashing as he had back when we'd been in school together. I felt my breath catch in my throat for the split second that his eyes locked on mine.

Then, the moment was over; he flung a hex at a student running past him, and I turned my attention back to the man who I'd been sparring with for the past few minutes. He'd become engaged in fighting another Death Eater- I couldn't tell who from the distance- and so I shot a killing curse at his turned back.

The second I felt the hand on my arm I knew that it was _him_, and I didn't really want to face him... but he'd never been the sort to take no for an answer. His hand closed around my wrist, and he dragged me into a room I hadn't even realized was nearby.

"Alecto," he breathed. There was a cut on his forehead that I could see as I lit my wand, and he was panting heavily; something that closely resembled pity gripped my heart until I was able to tear my eyes away from his face.

We were closer in proximity than we'd been in months, and yet everything about him was just as familiar as ever. We could have still been sixteen, if not for the tattoos that had been carved into our left forearms and the battle raging outside the door. But I was being surveyed by the same soul-piercing gaze, and felt the same combination of awe and admiration. He chuckled softly. He could read me as easily as he might a book.

I could hardly bring myself to say anything. Too many thoughts were crowding my mind, too many things that I had to say to him-- but my mouth was working a little faster than my brain, and I whispered in a tone that I hardly recognized as my own voice,

"Antonin."


	2. Chapter One

**Chapter one**

I've known Antonin Dolohov for as long as I can remember, probably longer than that. He's about a year older than me- the same age as Amycus.

Our mothers encouraged friendships among us, in the way all pureblooded mothers try and bring their children together from an early age. Most of the time, he and my brother would chase me through the garden, or else steal my dolls and then laugh about it. I would respond accordingly. Most of my early memories are of pinching him or having him pull my hair.

Amycus, I remember, used to tease me about being unable to say Antonin's name properly. When I was two, just barely talking, he became "Tin-Tin". Our mothers, delighted that I'd at least acknowledged him (I typically didn't give anyone a second glance; I was rather aloof and antisocial as a small child), didn't even bother to correct me. Usually, I was reprimanded for poor speech- but with him, somehow, it was alright. I'm almost positive that was why I never really hated him as a child, even when he tormented me. When he was around, I never got in quite as much trouble for acting up as I would have otherwise.

The first time I truly felt anger toward him was when I was three. He had just passed his fourth birthday, and had been given- for some absolutely ridiculous reason- a little box with a flame in it that would only burn what the holder wished for it to. His parents probably intended for it to be a learning experience, or maybe they were just nurturing his sadistic nature, or maybe he'd stolen it and used the 'birthday present' story as an excuse.

Regardless, it was with that little green flame that he burned my favourite doll. I smelled the ruined toy before I saw it, a little heap of ash in the middle of our play room rug- back in those days, Amycus and I both had bedrooms branching off the nursery, and so the main room was a bit of a common space where we both kept our playthings. And there was Antonin, kneeling over the rubbish and looking entirely pleased.

I cried for an hour. My mother told me to keep my door shut until I was finished "behaving improperly"; I cried right through my lunchtime and emerged later into the hallway, extremely hungry. To my surprise- and what little fury a toddler can manage- I nearly immediately ran into my nemesis, who grinned a sickeningly self-satisfied grin at me, daring me to do anything.

"You broke Darla," I accused. His grin broadened.

"Did you see my light-box?" He acted casually, as if he'd done nothing wrong. I felt tempted to cry again.

"You _broke_ her," I insisted, my mind as one tracked as his was cruel.

"No, I burned her. The difference," he informed me, sounding almost too refined for his age, "is that you can't fix it once it's burned."

"Go home, Tin-Tin," my wavering voice commanded, and I turned back into my room and slammed the door. To this day, his cruel laughter is still hauntingly loud in my ears.

---

It wasn't always like that, though. By the time I was eight, I'd begun to admire him from afar- I'd watch him and Amycus race around on their toy broomsticks, and bring them lemonade in the courtyard while never really getting involved in their games. At my age, it was becoming less advised for a proper young witch to play with young wizards. Instead, we'd sit around the table for lunch together in order to "associate" before they ran back outside to play. I typically sat at the window inside and watched them enviously.

Sometimes, he and Amycus would come inside and invite me to play Gobstones; they always cheated and teased me, but I put up with it, just for the chance to observe the sadistic enigma that was Antonin Dolohov.

Through watching him when he came to our house, or else accompanying my mother to visit his, I learned many things about him. He didn't like chocolate, was only kind when he really wanted something from you, and knew basically everything when it came to magic- he even would snatch his mother's wand and practice spells behind her back sometimes. I found out that he smelled like cinnamon and rain and grass all at the same time, that his smiles- not smirks, but true smiles- were rare and incredible and beautiful all at once, and that he didn't eat when he was nervous.

Of course, my observations were entirely between myself and my diary, which I kept foolishly until the summer when I had my ninth birthday and decided that such things were childish. If Antonin was to believe me grown up, I would have to be more mature.

It was just my luck that my parents threw me a lovely party for that birthday; all the decent Purebloods around my age as well as numerous relatives I'd never met were invited. My mother had given me a lovely blue set of dress robes, which I wore proudly. I even had my makeup and hair done, which I'd never really been concerned about before.

After the celebratory meal was eaten, and music began to play, Antonin approached me. I hadn't seen him enter, despite the fact that my eyes had been darting to the entryway compulsively for the entire evening, and so I was surprised- though not at all opposed to his presence.

"Alecto," he greeted, with a slight bow. I inclined my head to him tersely, despite the fact that I was eager to converse, to tap into the great mystery that was the mind of Antonin Dolohov. He smirked slightly, as though he had some secret that I'd never be let in on. "Care to accompany me to the garden?" He extended one hand to me, in which I placed my own as I stood, feeling adrenaline pulsing through my body.

"Alright," I replied, sounding far more childlike and eager than I'd hoped. His smirk broadened, and he lead me outside, both of us in complete silence.

We sat on a stone bench among the rose bushes, which were in full bloom- my mother took particular pride in her botany charms, and most of our flowers blossomed year-round. His eyes were so dark they were almost black, his features illuminated only by the faint light of the full moon above us. I could hear distantly music coming from the house, but for all intensive purposes, we were alone.

He didn't speak for a moment, though he did drop my hand, which I hadn't realized he'd still been holding in the first place. Finally, he muttered, quietly, "Happy birthday." It sickened me how, for all the world, he sounded as though that were his only reason for having me accompany him out there.

"Thanks," I replied quietly.

"You looked a bit miserable back there, you know," he informed me, raising an inquisitive eyebrow. I frowned.

"This is my party. If all you're going to do is insult the way I look--"

"No, no," he interrupted. "I just was wondering if your parents were the ones who made the guest list."

Pursing my lips, I gave him a calculating look. Why did that even matter in the first place? "Yeah. You're here, after all, aren't you?" I shot back. He didn't even look remotely wounded by my remark; a smirk played at the edges of his mouth.

"Harsh words, Ally, mean nothing to me." I hated how self-assured he was, how his eyes seemed to read my very thoughts, how his voice was soft and smooth and sophisticated like mine had never been. And yet, for all that hatred, I couldn't help but admire his composure, how he seemed capable, with a mere glance, of controlling me...

Quickly, I averted my eyes from his. "What do you want, anyway?"

With a soft chuckle, he reached and touched the side of my face, very lightly. "Ah, Ally... I'm not blind, you know; nor am I stupid."

I bit my lip, struggling to keep from making eye contact. "Antonin, what-"

"You're such a darling girl," he told me smoothly, his whole hand spreading over the side of my face, his thumb running over my cheekbone. "Thinking I wouldn't notice how you watched me, how you're always pining after me."

"It's not pining!" I protested. He laughed.

"Of course not. As it is, though, your brother would no doubt have quite a bit to say about your little crush were he to find out."

"But he won't," I sharply countered, as threatening as a little girl could possibly be. His fingers were playing with one of the curls that had been charmed into my hair for the evening; he seemed not to hear me. "He won't," I repeated.

"Won't he?" he chuckled, obviously amused at my attempt to be threatening. His hand fell back to his side. "And why not?"

"Because... because..." I faltered. "Because you're going to keep it secret as my birthday present."

"I might," he replied. "I might not. It all depends, really."

"On what?"

"On whether or not you'll stop staring at me over tea. It's a little bit creepy, to be frank."

Blushing, I muttered, "Okay, fine."

He laughed at me then, too, though a little bit less cruelly than he had when we were younger.

---

Surprisingly enough, after that night, we were what could only be described as "friends". He teased a little less, and when he did, it was less cruel. I did, indeed, stop staring at him over tea, and we had numerous civilized conversations. Well, as civilized as his mind could manage; he had an odd fascination with pain and cruelty.

Somehow, I think we became closer over the next year than he'd ever been to Amycus. Maybe it was because their friendship was based off boyish antics while ours was more of a mutual fascination with the dark and unfriendly, or maybe it was just a natural chemistry. I've never been quite sure, but for all of our squabbling, over those next thirteen or so months before he left for school, I felt certain I'd never had a better friend.

He, of course, never really acted like he felt quite the same. Sure, he would pay me attention, and seek me out at various Pureblood galas for a chat, but I never really got the feeling that he needed me in the sense that I did him. Perhaps I was being too trusting, too weak by putting faith in him. But I was young, and he was stable, even if I could never read him completely accurately.

Perhaps that was the danger in it. I could sense, even then, that Antonin Dolohov would turn into trouble for me at some point. The worrying thing was how I didn't seem to care.


	3. Chapter Two

**Chapter two**

Needless to say, the September morning that saw me separated from both my brother and my dearest friend was one of the worst of my life. I wasn't permitted to go to the station to see them off; side-long apparation was too difficult for my mother, my father was going directly to work from the station, and there was no question about getting a cab in Muggle London. Ever.

While I waited for my parents to get home, I wrote two letters- one for my brother, but before that (and far more importantly) I wrote to Antonin. Truth be told, if I wasn't mistaken, he was the tiniest bit apprehensive about beginning school. There was no question that both he and my brother were to be in Slytherin, but really, the classes and all of that seemed like they would be pretty overwhelming at first- at least to me.

Maybe assuming that Antonin actually felt emotions like fear was just my defense mechanism as to not feel too far inferior to him.

Anyway, that letter went in the following rather awkward manner:

_Hello, Antonin._

_I hope that you're having a good time at Hogwarts. Things are boring here without Amycus. And I think that Tuesday is going to be lonely without you here like you usually are. Have you hexed any Muggle-borns yet?_

_Sincerely,_

_Alecto_

I decided to send it later on in the day, figuring the train might take a while to reach the school, and spent the rest of the time waiting for my parents writing various other drafts of that letter. In the end, though, the first still seemed most suitable.

That first week of Antonin's absence, my mother reprimanded me often for "looking too pouty". I'd taken to staying in my room most of the time; I wrote him daily, and my brother sometimes, too. It was a fairly lonely existence, and I wasn't sure how much more I could take of it.

Luckily, my mother- blind to my feelings as she could occasionally be- was able to sense my need for companionship, somehow. She began inviting over other girls my age over, Pureblooded girls from wealthy families who would make suitable friends. When compared to Antonin, though, I found most of them dull and insipid. Then I met Lorraine Wilkes, and I finally had discovered another friend.

It was Lorraine who I first told of my longing to see Antonin again. As a result, she talked me out of writing him daily. Actually, Lorraine told me a lot of things that year about how I should act toward him. On her advice, I started being less friendly in my letters when I occasionally did write.

At first, I felt bad, particularly when he wrote me back in the same curt tone I'd begun to use. I only got a handful of letters, most of them with graphic descriptions of a hex he'd learned, or other things I didn't want to hear about so much as I wanted to hear about _him _and how he was doing... But apparently, once you got to Hogwarts, it seemed there was so much school work friendship was hardly more than a "hello" in the hallways.

"Alecto," Lorraine sighed one day, "You're thinking about him, aren't you? You always get this faraway look in your eyes when that stupid Dolohov boy is on your mind."

Her mother went through men like one might change one's shoes, so it wasn't surprising the attitude had rubbed off on the daughter.

"Of course I'm thinking about him," I replied coldly. "He just wrote me this morning. It's hard not to think about him when I've only just been reminded that he still exists."

"Just because a man exists doesn't mean he's good for you," she pointed out, rolling her eyes.

I flipped over on my bed to look at her sitting on my rug. "Lory, I don't think you get it. He's my friend."

"So am I, and you don't think about me every minute of every day."

"That's _different_." I was getting tired of this conversation.

"Sure, whatever you want to think."

As opposed as we were in our views of things, she was my sole confidante for as long as I had no one else. I was grateful for her friendship, as much as she would tread on my toes- more than once it crossed my mind that I really only formed relationships with people who bothered me. It was a funny thing, really.

Still, I missed Antonin more than anything. I put his letters in a box, and would open it just to savour his rain-and-grass-and-cinnamon smell sometimes. I read them over and over until I'd memorized every word, every stroke of his pen... I'd imagine him sitting in his bed, or else lounging on a couch in the Slytherin common room, writing to me or reading what I'd written him.

Had I been honest with myself, I might have been heartbroken by the fact that he probably wasn't half as enthralled about hearing from me as I was with hearing from him. As it was, I clung to my childish imaginings, waiting for the summer holidays and the day that my Antonin would return to me.


	4. Chapter Three

**Chapter Three**

I don't think I'd ever been more excited- or more scared- than I was as I boarded the Hogwarts Express for the first time. It wasn't just school that had my nerves twisting, though; I hadn't seen Antonin all summer due to a vacation he took to see family in Derbyshire, and coming face-to-face with him again was equally if not more frightening than the start of term.

I couldn't help but feel that things between us might have changed, or what he wouldn't want to be friends with a puny first year. From the minute we got to the platform, though, I was distracted by Amycus being obnoxiously overly protective of me.

It was expected that I be in Slytherin, just like him, and as such, he took me under his charge. This lead to him introducing me to all of his friends aboard the train- the smug Nott boy; the pale and sinister Rosier; the burly fifth years, Crabbe and Goyle; the composed, blonde ringleader, Malfoy; and finally- wonderfully- I saw the dark and wonderful Antonin Dolohov, who regarded me briefly before his lips curled into an almost predatory grin.

"Pleasure to see you, Alecto," he muttered, his voice as smooth and rich as the Honeyduke's chocolate my parents had given me the previous Christmas. My eleven-year-old self blushed to the roots of my hair.

I barely was able to stutter, "Pleasure's mine," before Amycus grabbed me by the shoulder and steered me to my seat, obviously sensing that I was about to embarrass myself. For all the grief he's given me over the years, my brother's always been one of the only ones capable of determining my emotions accurately. Well, most of the time, anyways. I was silent for a while; the boys all exchanged stories of their summers.

Lorraine Wilkes turned up a few minutes after the train began to move. Her eyes flickered over the company I was keeping, she smiled in a knowing sort of way, and I- sensing what she wanted- moved over so that she could take a seat next to me.

"Which one is he?" she hissed into my ear.

I decided to play dumb. "Which one is who?"

"Dolohov," she spat, as if it were some sort of bad word.

I barely jerked my head in Antonin's direction. She appraised him as one might look over something for sale in an apothecary.

"He's decent looking," she admitted finally, as if seeing my point after all these months of trying to talk me out of admiring him. "But that says nothing for how he acts, now does it?"

"You don't know him," I snapped, a bit too loudly. Everyone fell silent and looked at us; Amycus restarted the conversation quickly, covering up my blunder for me. I sensed that I was embarrassing him, but I was too embarrassed myself to care.

Lory cast a glance at Antonin and replied in a hushed voice, "He's still watching us."

"No," I corrected, irritated. "He's watching _me._ He knows I'm talking about him. He always knows."

She rolled her eyes. "You put too much faith in him."

"Maybe," I admitted, looking away from her. I didn't want to think about that. Faith was putting trust in someone who was too weak to be trusted, my parents had always insisted. Trust yourself, and no one else. Ever. End of story.

Sighing exasperatedly, she asked, "When are you going to realize that you're wasting your life on someone who probably is just going to break your heart in the end, anyway?"

"It's not wasted," I countered, "If he _is _my life."

Had I honestly just admitted that? I blushed and turned slightly so I wouldn't have to look at her. I'd have to watch my tongue in the future- I was positive that in Slytherin, saying things like that could only get me into trouble. And besides, I sounded like a stupid romance book or something. My mother would be livid if she found out those words had even crossed my mind, let alone been spoken.

I could hear her snort with laughter. Antonin caught my eye and smirked at me. I felt my face grow still hotter, and it had nothing to do with the temperature of the compartment.

"Had a good summer, Ally?" he questioned. My brother had engaged Lorraine in conversation, and Malfoy, Crabbe, Goyle, Rosier, and Nott were all discussing something in low voices in the corner, obviously not for the ears of younger students. Antonin and I were, in effect, open to have a private conversation.

I nodded, suddenly feeling a bit shy. "Yes," I allowed politely.

He raised an eyebrow. "You talked far more than this in your letters."

"You got them?" I asked. Then, suddenly, something struck me. "And you didn't write back?"

"Sh." He was across from me, and he leaned forward slightly, his eyes so dark that I couldn't help but get lost in them for a moment. "Ally, it wasn't personal. I didn't have much time for writing last year. But now we'll both be at school, so it'll be easier to talk. Okay?"

I couldn't help but trust him; his face was so sincere, and in spite of the fact that I knew him to be an expert liar, there was something about the way he was assuring me that forced me to nod my agreement. "Okay. I was just really bored all year, and had no one to talk to, so I wrote." Of _course _it had nothing to do with the fact that I missed him more than I even missed my own brother.

He didn't believe me- it was evident in the way he smirked, glanced at Lorraine, and then looked back at me as if challenging me to defend the lie he'd easily seen through. "I'll warn you, though," Antonin added, almost as an afterthought, "it's far different than when we were running around in your nursery together. You have to be careful with what you say."

I wondered if he'd caught what I told Lorraine earlier, and scowled slightly. "I know." That was probably one of the kindest things he'd ever told me- advice, after all, would indicate a caring for my wellbeing- but I figured as I mulled it over that he just wanted to save himself from embarrassment at my hands. "You know, you might as well have just warned me that if I ever slip up and say something stupid, you won't speak to me again."

He chuckled, leaning back in his seat, but he didn't deny it.

---

Being at school with Antonin _was_ far different from growing up with him. The most dramatic change was that there were a lot less one-on-one chats. Most of our meetings were brushing shoulders in the Common Room or running into one another over breakfast; seeing as my expectations for the renewal of our friendship had been higher, I was sorely disappointed. It was lucky that I had classes to distract myself from thinking about him constantly.

Lorraine, who had claimed the bed next to mine, was my constant companion. We somewhat made friends with the other girls in our dormitory, of course, but most of them I had already decided weren't worthy of our company. They all giggled too much, and besides, I hated the way they all discussed how "sexy" Antonin was. As far as I was concerned, he was mine, and they'd better stay away from him.

Apparently, that particular owl hadn't reached him, though. Even at age twelve, he was quite the ladies' man. He would flirt with anyone- more than once I even caught him chatting up a Ravenclaw- which, in my opinion, was treason against his own house. I could never bring myself to mention it, though, to him or to anyone else. What he did was none of my business, as much as it pained me to see that he wasn't going to pay me any attention in the foreseeable future.

Slowly, though, I started getting a tad bit bitter. I would glare at any girl I caught looking at him, and I even hexed a Hufflepuff who had the audacity to do so. The detention I earned as a result was well worth it.

Lorraine thought I was just a bitter person by nature, and never reprimanded me for my infatuation- I don't think she ever put two and two together on that matter, really. Antonin, though, noticed after a while. Apparently, I'd been right- he really did know everything.

"Ally," I'd heard his voice in my ear as I studied in the library. "Can I have a word, please?"

I could feel my eyes go very round. There was something nearly sinister about his request, as if there was an underlying threat behind his politeness. Almost against my own will, I nodded, closed my book, and gestured to the seat next to myself. "Sure."

"I thought you'd overcome your little crush, love," he started silkily as he slid into the chair.

"I- you- what are you talking about?" I was really bad at playing dumb, and he laughed softly.

"You act," he informed me, "as if you own me. I'd rather like it if you stopped."

I scowled. "What are you even on about, Antonin? I do no such thing."

"Ah, but you do, Ally. And it's quite annoying. I'll decide who I talk to and what I say. And you... if I'm not mistaken, you need to focus a little bit more on your Transfiguration grade?" He tapped the book in front of me, smiling slightly.

I gaped at him as he got up and walked out of the room. Actually, Antonin didn't _walk_. He sauntered gracefully, looking for all the world as if he owned the school and everything in it. I flushed with a combination of fury and embarrassment, and tried to return to my studies.

Needless to say, I didn't have much luck retaining information that evening.

---

Of course, even though he was completely mean sometimes, there were moments in which our friendship would become apparent. Usually it was when a particularly insufferable group of Gryffindor boys in my year decided to pick on me. I was never really sure why they would choose me as a target, besides my house. One of them was one of the Black boys, who had been to my house a time or two. I never understood how someone from such a good family could go so wrong, but apparently, he had. It was disgusting, really.

The worst thing about them was that they were reckless- they seemed to find punishment funny, and to retaliate against them would only make things worse. It's beyond me that they were never expelled.

One blatantly horrible thing they did happened in late November of my first year, when they decided to be "funny" and hex my hair blue- and icy. It was already freezing outside from the late autumn winds and early snowfall, and the inside of the castle was drafty, so it was insufferably cold. They stood there, howling with laughter, as I tried desperately to reverse the spell's affects.

Then, just my luck, Antonin turned up to witness my shame (some blonde second year hanging off his arm, of course). Surprisingly, he didn't laugh- he immediately shook off his girlfriend of the week, whipped out his wand, muttered something under his breath, and shot a flash of orange in the direction of my tormentors. They stopped laughing as they became covered in green blotches, which seemed by their reaction to be very painful; they were hardly able to scamper before being hit by another hex.

Antonin whispered something to the girl, who practically swooned at being addressed by him and then left, and he approached me.

"Ally, how many times must I tell you to stay out of trouble?" he questioned, as if I was an inconvenience.

"I didn't ask for your help," I shot back.

He smirked. "I know, but you were about to when I went ahead and did so."

Shivering- I still had ice in my hair, after all- I glared at him. His soft chuckle did nothing to improve my mood.

"Blue is a bit dramatic for you," he grinned.

"Shut up before I hex you," I countered. He seemed to find my attempts at threatening him funny, and laughed. "Can you fix it?" I asked him, which just made him laugh more.

"I was wondering when you were going to ask... though you haven't exactly been very nice to me, so I'm not sure if you deserve my help."

"Antonin, please," I pressed; I hated being cold.

"Oh, fine, Ally, but only because blue really doesn't suit you." He flicked his wand lazily, and I instantly found myself warmer. "Now get back to your dormitory before I have to rescue you again."

Rolling my eyes, I did as he'd told me. It half crossed my mind to thank him, but I was almost positive he would use the event as leverage to get what he wanted from me later on, so I didn't bother. The only bit of satisfaction I'd gotten from the encounter was that, regardless of motives, he'd stood up for me without being asked. That was worth something, right?

It wasn't until later that Lorraine informed me that my hair was green.

---

The year didn't really go as well as I had hoped, but regardless, by the time summer vacation rolled around, I was looking forward to the next one. That summer, Antonin came over a few times to hang out with Amycus; I made a point of avoiding the two of them. I think I was in a bit of a rage that he continued to spurn my affections, but regardless of the cause, I promised myself that I wasn't going to waste my next year waiting for him.

Unfortunately, making promises to oneself and actually keeping those promises are two completely separate entities.


	5. Chapter Four

**Chapter Four**

By the time I boarded the Hogwarts Express, I was quite certain that any ties I'd had to Antonin were severed. The tiny bit of friendship he afforded me really wasn't worth the trouble of putting up with him, as far as I was concerned.

Unfortunately, the second his dark eyes met mine when I entered the compartment, I realized that no amount of telling myself to avoid him was going to succeed. I immediately looked away and took a seat next to Severus Snape, who was already having a conversation with Laurent Avery, so I wouldn't have to worry about talking to anyone until Lorraine turned up and rescued me.

Antonin, it seemed, wasn't about to start a conversation with me. As much as I wanted to be grateful for that fact, I felt slightly disappointed all the same, as if it was a personal insult that he didn't talk to someone who had been avoiding him for the past three months.

Before I completely destroyed my self respect by greeting him, Lorraine turned up, and I was able to turn my attention to discussing her recent trip to France instead.

---

Much to my consternation, it seemed the Fates had it in mind to torture me by making me have as much contact with Antonin as possible. It seemed everywhere I went, he was there.

In my exasperation one day at having run into him in the Owlery, I shouted, "Antonin! Stop following me!"

He'd laughed as though I'd made a joke. "Following you? Why would I want to do that?"

"B-because-" I sputtered, not really sure myself. "Because you want me to talk to you again." My logic may have been a tiny bit flawed, but I was trying to stop my childhood crush on him, and seeing his face almost constantly wasn't helping me do so.

"And why would I want that?" he asked again, smirking.

Insulted, I scowled, and he laughed softly.

"I'm only joking. I've missed you, a little," he assured me. As much as I knew better than believing anything he told me, I couldn't help but doing so, and I smiled at him, my anger abated.

"Oh, okay. Well... I've missed you, too."

"I knew you would. I was wondering how long you'd be capable of keeping up the charade of hating me- you lasted longer than I predicted." From him, that was basically a compliment.

I rolled my eyes. "Do you want something, or can I mail my letter?"

It had actually taken a lot more effort than I had thought to be as cruel to him as he made a point of being toward me. He looked slightly taken aback for a fraction of a second, and then bemused, as though I was even funnier trying to be tough than I was when being offended. I could feel my temper flaring at the fact that he wouldn't take me seriously.

"Seriously. I have homework to get to, Dolohov. Quit wasting my time."

"Quit pretending to hate me," he returned. "I can see right through it, Ally. You're only depriving yourself of my presence, you know."

"You say that as though your presence is something to be desired."

Honestly, he should have known that it was harder than a few egotistical words to calm me down once he'd gotten me worked up. Again, the taken aback look flashed across his handsome face, before a smirk replaced it. "You're such a darling girl," he told me, ruffling my hair before side-stepping and exiting the Owlery.

I glared after him, momentarily forgetting my purpose.

---

My next encounter with him was equally as frustrating, though not for the same reason. It was an outgrowth of my dismal marks in Transfiguration, which I had waited after class to discuss with Professor McGonagall- though who would hire her as a teacher in the first place. I only did so because she'd told me to at the top of the last essay I'd turned in- one which she didn't even bother giving me a mark on, presumably because I'd failed so miserably.

"Miss Carrow, your effort in my class seems to be lacking," she had informed me. Immediately after the words had left her mouth, the door opened and in walked none other than Antonin. It was as if they'd planned my ultimate demise together, and even had their timing synchronized...

"Sorry if I'm late, Professor," Antonin apologised, brown-nosing. I thought by her brief, withering glance at him that she saw through it, but I wasn't sure.

"You're not, Mr. Dolohov. I was just discussing our arrangements with Miss Carrow."

He smiled at me, obviously gloating; I looked back at McGonagall for the explanation she owed me.

"I've talked it over with him," she began, "And Mr. Dolohov has agreed to tutor you for my class. Seeing as he's in your house, it shouldn't be terribly difficult for you two to make the arrangements you need to, I trust?"

My eyebrows shooting up, I looked quickly between the two of them, and decided that no, this wasn't a joke, and yes, I was probably going to commit a murder by the end of the day if things continued in this manner.

"You _knew _about this?!" I practically screamed when we'd left the classroom. "And you didn't even _warn _me about it?"

Surveying me with one raised eyebrow, he calmly responded, "I was under the impression that you hated me. Why would I have told you anything?"

"I never told you that I hated you," I retorted. "I think you just enjoy torturing me."

"That's a distinct possibility," he admitted, sounding as if he didn't even care that he was a great source of annoyance to me. Somehow, this succeeded in making me even more upset at him.

Grinding my teeth together in order to keep myself from using a few of Amycus's favourite words, I gave him a death glare. "So when are we starting?" I finally questioned, changing the subject. I couldn't afford to lose my composure- that would just be letting him win.

"Every Thursday at seven, in the library."

Without even asking for my input, he'd already decided when and where we would meet. Typical, really, I thought bitterly.

"Fine," I acquiesced, only because I knew I could never win an argument with him, so I shouldn't hurt my pride by trying. "I'll see you then." At that point, I really just wanted to get away from him, and so I turned around and went the opposite way down the corridor.

Thursday at seven, I was quite convinced, was going to be the beginning of many hours of hell.

---

Actually, apart from his smug attitude every time I did anything wrong, Antonin wasn't the worst teacher I'd ever had. More often than not, I found myself grasping concepts more quickly than I would have without him, and even if I'd never admit it, I really did appreciate his help.

All over again, I found myself admiring the subtle things about him. The way that sometimes, when he smiled, if you were very close, you could make out a shallow dimple on the right side of his mouth. The way that his fingers drummed on the table whenever he was waiting for me to give him an answer. The way he looked at me intently sometimes while I worked, and he thought I wasn't watching him.

And, once again, I became quite enamored with the boy. He knew, naturally, and would smirk whenever he caught me looking at him from across the Common Room or down the table at dinner.

"Ally," he smirked one week as I read some comments he'd made on the rough draft of an essay of mine, "you've gotten into the nasty habit of staring at me again."

I pretended not to hear him.

"I know it's hard not to," he continued, "but I'd hate for your brother to find out. Wouldn't you?"

"Pulling that card again, are you?" I questioned, not looking up. Maybe we were getting a long a tad better since I'd fallen back into a state of infatuation with him, but that didn't mean I was going to lick his shoes all the time.

"Only because we both know it's a card that works," he shrugged. I raised my eyes, smiling slightly; for being so infuriating, he sure was clever.

Pursing my lips, I admitted, "That's true."

After a moment, he added, "I don't mind if you stare so long as you don't get caught, though."

It would have almost been sweet, at least by Antonin standards, except for the fact that he went on to say, "I know girls who would kill for that privilege, so don't abuse it, darling."

---

Other study sessions, we actually were completely decent to one another. Though I never figured out the cause of it, on some occasions, he was inexplicably nicer than usual; he wouldn't make fun of me for getting something wrong, and any insults thrown were playful banter. On those days, I would bother Lorraine by recalling detailed accounts of everything Antonin had said and done. I was convinced that he was perfect. She was convinced that he was trouble.

"Gorgeous," she would tell me, looking over at him lounging on the Common Room sofa, "but trouble."

I would always roll my eyes and say something to the affect of, "You're just jealous." I think she might have been, actually, though back then it was just a feeble attempt to defend my crush on Antonin.

Maybe I should have taken her warnings more seriously, though. Despite the warning of my parents and companions against weakness, I had always maintained a shred of softness in my heart; there was always a bit of Romanticism tucked away in my naive heart, just waiting to be exploited.

Antonin, cruel and beautiful, was just the one to do that imminent exploitation. Even without intending to, he'd captured my affections. It was only a matter of time before the dangerous infatuation forced me to relinquish my childish ideas of love, to forget all of my dreams of him someday sweeping me off my feet, and to turn from a simple-minded girl into the cold young woman I was supposed to have been all along.

I was perfectly convicted, by the time the year was drawing to a close, that the tiny bits of decency I'd seen in his character were the "true" Antonin, and that his unpleasant, cutting side was just a mask. I've never been able to see why I was so determined to believe the best in people back then. Maybe it was just for him that I tried to see the greater underlying good; maybe my girlish longing for his attention created in me a foolish spirit of hoping that he had a kind, sensitive side that he chose to hide from the world but would someday expose to me, setting me apart from all of his other female conquests. Or maybe I was just stupid.

Stupidity, unfortunately, didn't ameliorate the shock or pain I felt when I arrived in the Slytherin Common Room one night in late April, hours after curfew, to find Antonin and his latest simpering blonde lip-locked on the couch.

There weren't words to say. I felt uncomfortable, as if I'd just walked in on something I shouldn't have, as if by interrupting them I would be doing him wrong... But wasn't he already doing me wrong by breaking my heart? And who did that whore think she was, anyway, daring to put her delicately manicured hands all over _my_ Antonin?

I watched for a minute, repulsed, and then darted up to my dormitory as swiftly and quietly as possible. Fiercely disappointed in the boy who I'd been convinced was perfect, I sobbed into my pillow until I fell into a sleep full of dreams as torturing as my reality, reliving the fierce stabs of jealousy and hatred and confusion over, and over, and over. When I awoke, I felt worse rested than when I'd gone to bed in the first place.

For the next few days, I was a zombie. I hardly ate, barely slept, and wouldn't look anyone in the eye.

Lorraine, naturally, was worried- she kept pestering me with questions such as "has someone hexed you?" or "Alecto, did you even think about brushing your hair this morning?", but eventually I think my sullen glares made her drop the subject.

Antonin, as observant as ever, didn't let my change in behaviour slide, either. It was that Thursday- I'd wanted to skip my weekly Transfiguration study session, but had thought better of skipping and getting in trouble with McGonagall if he told- that he finally confronted me about it.

"Ally, darling," he greeted me, in such a smooth tone that I very nearly forgot what he'd done to me, "what's wrong? You don't seem quite yourself."

And then, as quickly as I'd forgotten, I remembered, and scowled. "I'm fine. Why do you care, anyway?"

He leaned across the table toward me, his gaze intense. "Don't toy with me, Ally. You know I can see through your lies," he whispered; I could feel my blood run cold in my veins. "And I care because that which affects you affects me in turn."

I snorted with bitter, sarcastic laughter. Right, like the high-and-mighty Dolohov heir would _ever _be affected with the emotional trauma of a twelve-year-old.

"That is to say," he elaborated, leaning back in his chair, "when you look bad, and I'm around you, it makes me look bad, as well."

There it was- the edge I'd been expecting. It didn't even sting that time. I'd been dulled to pain from all of the other times it had happened. Or at least, that was what I tried to convince myself as I inwardly denied that I'd spent two seconds getting my hopes up that he cared about me.

"I'm glad you care so much about me," I spat, and shoved my book back into my bag- I couldn't face him after all. "I'll see you next week. I can't do this right now."

I think he might have called something after me, but I didn't hear it as I stormed out of the library.

---

That event sort of woke me up from my 'zombie' state, though I took to avoiding him as much as possible. Any response I had to give him during our Thursday evening sessions was brief and curt; I would avert my eyes if he walked into a room, and I never mentioned him to Lorraine or anyone else.

She certainly seemed happier about this arrangement. I don't think Lory was ever terribly fond of hearing about Antonin, and so when I stopped mentioning him, her attitude toward me was a bit warmer. We would discuss shoes, the latest wizard heartthrobs, and share pictures of dress robes that we admired in magazines; I found that her feminine flare on friendship was a welcome break from the suffocatingly masculine approach taken by the one who used to occupy my mind.

The end of the year came far too slowly for my liking. I couldn't have been happier for the end-of-term feast- things were far too awkward for my liking in the house of Slytherin. Because our social circles coincided so regularly, it was difficult to remain at odds with Antonin. Of course, he never seemed any worse for the wear because of it; nothing ever phased him, much to my chagrin. I, on the other hand, had to endure uncomfortable situations and conversations almost constantly, all the while hiding my feelings from the people around me.

Needless to say, the train ride home- though quiet- was quite a good experience for me. I slept most of the way, and blessedly, for the first time in a good month or so I didn't have any dreams about my tormentor.


	6. Chapter Five

**Chapter Five**

Summer came and went in the usual fashion, Purebloods coming over for tea, Amycus tormenting me as brothers do, and my mother and father always raving about how the country was going to the dogs. Lorraine and I spent as much time as possible together; she could come to my house to escape from her three older sisters, and we would sip lemonade in the garden or take the Floo to Diagon Alley for a day of shopping.

As ashamed as I was to admit it, I allowed a certain Mr. Dolohov to cross my mind far more often than was probably advisable, though it was always with an angry prickle of hatred that his face would appear in my thoughts. I didn't want to forgive him for wounding my pride, and I definitely wasn't too keen on seeing him again when school commenced in the fall. As it was, though, there was still some odd, unwelcome fascination toward him lingering in my subconscious, a feeling that- no matter how hard I tried to shake it- wouldn't seem to stop coming up at the least opportune times.

I was glad to have Lorraine that summer more than anything. While she wasn't entirely dull or stupid, she was always good to get the latest gossip. It seemed, as well, that too many hours in the heat of the sun had caused her to begin noticing boys as more than woman-abusing worms. I can't recall how many times that summer she stopped in the middle of a shop to watch a boy walking by through the front window, and then tugged my sleeve and whispered excitedly, "Did you _see_ him? He was at _least _an eight-point-five."

Her silly scale-of-one-to-ten ratings of men kept me amused, if nothing else, though I never once spotted anyone who even came near Antonin's par. I suppose, borrowing Lorraine's scale, he would have been something close to a five hundred and fifty-two.

Only once did I ever have to face him that summer; he and Amycus had taken to meeting with other friends at larger, grander houses than ours. It was completely by accident. I'd been leaving Gringotts with my mother, prepared to buy my school books, and he was walking in the opposite direction.

My legs stopped working the second I caught a glimpse of him. If possible, he'd grown even more attractive over the summer; suddenly, my knees felt weak. His dark eyes narrowed slightly as he looked me over. It seemed that he might say something to me, or at least that he wanted to, but instead he torn his eyes away from mine and continued walking without a word.

Somehow, I found myself sorely disappointed.

---

The beginning of school was accompanied with urgings from my parents to be more social.

"You're getting too old for your childish aversion to other people," my mother sighed, after the late-summer birthday party in which I'd avoided most of my own guests.

"Mother, I'm just selective as to whom I spend my time with. You yourself taught me to be socially prudent," I replied, in the most respectful way possible. She frowned, obviously not liking that answer.

"Alecto, really. Your father and I have worked hard for the little status we've managed to scrape in Wizarding society." She paused to charm some of my clothes into my trunk for me; we never had a house elf. "It's your duty to the family to befriend suitable people, and marry one someday."

"I'm not sure I want to marry," I shrugged, forgetting, for a second that that was basically blasphemy coming from a young Purebood witch.

"Of course you do," she snapped hurriedly, glancing at the doorway as if afraid someone had overheard. Looking back, I think she was scared that my father might have witnessed that; he was a bit harsh with her, and probably wouldn't have reacted favourably to my comment.

I'd rolled my eyes, shrinking my cauldron and putting it into my trunk in order to buy myself a minute to think of how to respond. "Things have changed since you grew up," I told her finally. "I don't have to marry to be accepted in society. I could have a career, and be my own person. I don't need to sit on some man's coattails and do what he says for the rest of my life."

She shook her head and looked as if she rather would have liked to say something encouraging, but instead she stood from where she'd been sitting on my bed and made for the door. "Just make an effort to make friends besides Lorraine this year, Alecto. I've heard that Eleanor Crabbe is a nice girl, for one."

Though I knew full well that Eleanor Crabbe's kindness extended only to her gaggle of shallow gossiping buddies (and sometimes not even them), I just nodded and forced a smile. I was a Pureblood. Pretending to enjoy myself with people who I truly detested was a specialty of mine, and if it was required of me, my first duty was to my family's name.

---

As it was, Lorraine and I sat with Eleanor Crabbe and her bunch on the train that year. My brother and his friends, most of them fourth year or older, were apparently too "cool" to be seen associating with his little sister and her best friend, so we had to settle for a less favorable climate.

I'm sure my mother would have been pleased, could she have seen my behavior. I smiled, laughed, interjected the occasional polite comment, and otherwise was as socially acceptable as it was possible to be. Ellie (as she insisted on being called) raved about the gorgeous boys she'd met in Italy that summer, and showed us several photographs of herself and various tanned, beaming Italians. In every picture, the photograph version of Ellie could be seen kissing the boy on the cheek, or giggling and holding his hand. Occasionally, she would wave flirtatiously at the camera.

None of those boys, though, could hold a candle to Antonin. I'd seen him at the station before departure; he'd grown taller over the summer, and I'd had to look away to keep from staring. His features were so intense, they seemed to beg my attention, even after I'd dragged my eyes to scan other faces. I tried to put his burning gaze out of my mind, but even on the train, surrounded by Eleanor and her crowd, I couldn't forget the feeling I'd gotten of having my soul scrutinized.

Unwisely, I allowed myself to mention the shortcomings of her summer flings. "None of them are nearly as good-looking as Antonin Dolohov," I blurted, before I could stop myself. She, her three friends, and Lorraine looked at me as though I'd gotten something particularly nasty on my face.

Then, a smile crossed Eleanor's broad face. "Of course they wouldn't be, not in your eyes, anyway." She laughed, as did her cohorts, as though they had some sort of private joke at my expense. "Everyone knows about your _darling _crush on dear Tony."

I could feel myself going red. Lorraine glanced at me, and for once, I think the emotion of pity stirred somewhere in her soul. She immediately piped up, "Well, I think Alecto has a point. He's by far the best looking guy I've ever seen."

I shot her a grateful smile, and she returned it with one that expressed quite clearly, 'you owe me for this'. We both knew that we'd probably wind up on their list of favourite gossip subjects after that day, and that the result probably wouldn't be all that flattering.

"They're right," joined a girl who I think was of the Rosier family; she was small, pale, and hadn't spoken much up to that point. "He's at least the most gorgeous boy in the school, if not the country. I wouldn't be surprised if he turned out to be gay."

" _Mary!_" exclaimed Eleanor, and everyone burst into laughter. I joined in uneasily, though I didn't really see what was so funny about it. If Antonin turned out gay, I would probably die.

---

Lorraine, who I'd told about my mother's request, tried to help me as much as possible by staying with me in social situations. More times than just that one on the train, she'd talked me out of embarrassment.

Never were there words enough to express my thankfulness at having her around during those times, but even if there had been, Lory wouldn't have wanted to hear them. She'd rather I buy her something expensive for Christmas and, if it was that important to me to thank her, mention it in the card.

No amount of her catching my blunders, though, could save me from the terror that was Ellie Crabbe. Her brother, who was in my year, was unpleasant and had a sick sense of humour- but apparently, he was the nice one in the family. No, once Eleanor got it into her mind to ruin your life, she did so, no matter the cost.

Which was why it was extremely unfortunate that she had gotten it into her mind that I was the only thing standing between her and Antonin Dolohov.

Honestly, even if it would have bothered me just a bit out of my possessiveness over him, I wouldn't have minded them hooking up or whatever she had in mind. I didn't own him- he was free to do whatever, or whoever, he wanted.

She, however, didn't know that. In her mind, Alecto Carrow was just the name of an obstacle- and Eleanor Crabbe was well known for overcoming obstacles in the nastiest way she could think of.

With me, it was beginning the rumour that there wasn't a Slytherin- male or female- that I hadn't tried to kiss. Sure, most people didn't buy that. They knew that I kept mostly to myself, and were too afraid of Amycus's hastiness with his wand to ever propagate anything that scandalous about his sister. However, I did hear whispers about myself every now and then, thanks to her.

Apparently, though, Antonin wasn't phased, because Ellie herself cornered me one day in the corridor.

"Alecto," she growled, her fingernails digging into my wrist where she'd grabbed it to get my attention. "How _are _you, dear?"

I jerked the limb away from her. "I'm fine. Do you need something?" I wasn't falling for her false kindness, not for a second.

"Actually, yes, I do," she responded, her voice dripping with a sick sort of sweetness. It was nauseating. "I need for you to stay away from Antonin before you find your pretty little face not so pretty anymore."

Narrowing my eyes, I spat, "I'm not keeping you from him, Crabbe. He's all yours."

Apparently, she'd been expecting a fight, because she looked a bit taken aback. "You don't care if I steal your boyfriend?"

I snorted. Antonin, I knew, was not the sort of person who could be "stolen", nor was he my boyfriend. "For being such a gossip whore, you're extremely naive," I informed her simply. "If he'll have you, he's all yours. Though-" I paused and glanced over her, relishing in the fact that by my verbal jibes, I was repaying her for all of those rumours "-even he has standards, so who knows."

A second later, she'd gotten a fistful of my shirt and shoved me backwards into the wall. "You'd better watch it, Carrow, or I swear I'll make your life hell." For a second, it seemed as if she was going to punch me, but I caught a flicker of movement out of the corner of my eye, and we both turned to see Antonin, standing there as if he'd been summoned by our mentioning of him.

Releasing me, Eleanor immediately sashayed over to him, absolutely gushing with flirtatious comments. I rolled my eyes and turned away, not wanting to deal with that problem just then.


	7. Chapter Six

**Chapter Six**

The next time I saw them, he had her up against a wall in the dungons. His voice was low and smooth; I couldn't make out the words, but I figured that they were no doubt something that would just break my heart all over again, and so I'd turned to leave quietly. Eleanor, though, saw me, as was indicated by the sick grin she shot at me when she was sure he wasn't looking.

Later, I found her in the Common Room- Antonin was nowhere to be seen. "Have fun 'stealing my boyfriend'?" I queried bitterly. Though I never would have admitted it, I was beyond jealous of his attentions to her. If a cow like that could snag him, why couldn't I?

After a moment, in which I assumed she discerned the plain English I used, a cruel grin spread across her face. "Why yes, I did. He wants to keep our relationship quiet, though, so could you do me a favor and not mention it to anyone? It's an open kind of arrangement, and he doesn't want me to deter other girls." I glared as she left me there, and once she was gone, collapsed on the couch to wallow in my misery.

---

It was Halloween before I even spoke to Antonin. I'm not sure how exactly I made it for that duration of time, seeing him with various girls and only receiving a noncommittal nod when he acknowledged me at all.

There was nothing special about the holiday in particular that sparked conversation. It was just like any other day, apart from the jagged grins of the huge, carved pumpkins in the Great Hall. Most likely, we would have gone on for another few weeks in our stony silence, except for the fact that I ran straight into him coming into the Common Room. I stumbled backward, and out of reflex, he caught my arm.

"Thanks," I breathed automatically, catching my balance.

He raised an eyebrow. "You're talking to me again?"

I nodded once, and then shrugged. "Why not?"

Shrugging as well, he didn't say anything. We stood there awkwardly for a moment.

"So... how are things with Eleanor?" I questioned. For his sake, not hers, I hadn't divulged anything about their relationship to anyone, but I assumed it would be alright to discuss it with him.

"What things?" He asked, looking genuinely confused.

I frowned. "Don't play dumb. You know, your whole... 'secretly dating with no commitment' deal."

An odd look came over him, one that was slightly perplexed and slightly disgusted. "I really don't know what you're talking about, Ally. I'm in no such relationship, nor have I ever been."

"But she said... and I saw you and her in the dungeons..." I faltered, trying to defend the facts that I knew.

"Oh, that? I don't know about what she's told you, but Alecto, darling, the only time I've been with her in the dungeons was when I was telling her to stay the hell away from you or else, back when she was trying to ruin your life," he informed me.

I gaped at him for a second. "You _defended_ me?" The shock was almost enough to make me forget to be angry at Eleanor for her stupid lie.

"Only because that girl's head isn't on straight. Don't think this means I care about you," he shrugged, but my silly teenage mind was already making the very assumption he'd warned against.

"Well," I replied slowly, trying not to smile, "thanks anyway. I'm sorry for avoiding you."

"I haven't missed you," he told me, flinching ever-so-slightly when I punched him in the arm.

"Much," he amended.

I hugged him out of the lack of anything better to do. "That's better," I told him, and grinned from ear to ear as he actually hugged me back.

---

After that, things between Antonin and myself were tolerable, to say the least. Actually, our friendship was more than merely 'tolerable'. We began to talk again like we had when we were children; he'd walk with me between classes sometimes, and sit by me at meals. On occasion, I'd tell him about my feelings for him that ran deeper than friendship, but he'd just chuckle and change the subject.

I didn't protest too much, though. I'd been taught to take what I could get, and so I did. I don't think he really minded, either, that I was lovesick over him- I think it gave him an ego boost, or something of the like.

He never really seemed to return the affection, though, and hardly batted an eyelash when I got a box of Honeyduke's best chocolate from a 'secret admirer' on Valentine's day. Offended as I was that he showed not even the slightest hint of jealousy, I hid it well, and even offered to share the sweets with him. He politely refused- Antonin was never very fond of chocolate.

He made my troubles well worth it. Never did he fail to give me something to laugh about; we enjoyed the plights of other students and he even taught me a curse or two. On occasion, I'd even manage to coerce more of his rare smiles out of him.

Those were the occasions I lived for- the ones where I could revel in the fact that I was one of the few in the world who Antonin would actually, sporadically, show his more human side to.

Little did I know that the future wasn't going to be _entirely _smooth sailing for the two of us, nor could I ever have predicted what fate had in store.

---


	8. Chapter Seven

Hey guys! Well, I figure it's time to actually write something to my readers, so I figured I would!

I'm sorry these chapter uploads are so sporadic; I'm going to start doing them twice a week, one chapter at a time. I've got this whole fic about half-written, and I'm really excited to see what you say about everything that's going to happen... But I'm not going to give anything away just yet! (o:

_Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or anybody in it, as much as I wish I could say I do._

* * *

**Chapter Seven**

For a time, it seemed that my life was going to be nice to me for once. Antonin and I were getting along swimmingly, my friendship with Lorraine was good, my brother wasn't being a pest, and my parents were rather pleased with the marks I had gotten at the end of my third year.

That summer was dull. It rained a lot, and Amycus wasn't around a lot of the time. Even Lorraine's company provided little relief from the boring hours that dragged on; we were expected to sit quietly and not giggle too much when she came over. My parents had decided to make me 'behave myself'. I think they were getting worried that no young Pureblood had offered to marry me yet- though seeing as I was only thirteen, I was more peeved than understanding toward their concerns.

Antonin, though, provided a bit of entertainment. He came around to socialize every couple of weeks- at his mother's urging, he explained, though he confided in me later that he really wanted to see me. Needless to say, I blushed, and he pointed it out, completely ruining the moment.

It was one of those occasions on which I did one of the stupidest things I think I've ever done. Amycus had gone off with our mother, who was scolding him for something or another, and Antonin and I were quite alone at the table in the kitchen. He smiled at me, as if daring me to say something, and so I opened my mouth and requested something that had been on my mind for the past few months.

"Antonin, will you be my first kiss?"

It was an unexpected question, I could tell. My heart rate quickened so that I could almost hear it echoing off the white kitchen walls. He took a moment to respond, looking at me in a semi-bemused way.

"Ally, darling," he chuckled. "You haven't had your first kiss yet?"

He was mocking me, and I could tell. Shaking my head, I scowled slightly at him. "Stop laughing. Plenty of girls haven't been kissed by their fourteenth birthdays."

"I guess not," Antonin replied, his eyes roaming over my face. I think he was slightly surprised at the revelation of my innocence, truth be told.

"So?" I prompted, impatient for his answer.

His lips drew into a thin line and he looked out the window to the garden rather than meeting my gaze. I could feel the word in the air even before he uttered it, softly- "No."

With a frown, I questioned, "Why not?"

"Because, Ally. It's in my power who I choose to kiss, and I'm not about to kiss you."

"But why?" I could detect a twinge of whining in my own voice.

He looked back at me, his eyes so intense and dark that I had to look away after a few seconds. We both knew that for as long as the answer was 'no', there would be no explanation sufficient for me, and so he didn't answer for a long time.

Finally, he spoke, and I could have sworn that there was regret laced into his tone. "You're so... innocent. I'm far from that- and I'd hate to be the one to taint you. You're precious to me, Ally. And so, no, I won't be your first kiss. Do you understand that?"

If not for the serious expression on his face, I may have thought he was toying with me. As it was, there was nothing but sincerity in his tone and expression. I nodded, silently, though I was really crushed by the rejection.

"Good," he smiled.

I didn't talk much for the rest of the day, though. I really had nothing left to say.

---

It wasn't until two weeks into the first term of school that I notice Lorraine getting a bit... too close to Amycus for my liking. My brother, though he annoyed me, was the one being I was ever truly protective of. Lorraine, who had taken to perching on the arm of whatever chair he happened to be sitting in and fawning over him in general, was making me ever-so-slightly peeved.

"Amycus," I finally confronted him one evening, "I've noticed you getting awfully cozy with a certain friend of mine."

"What, Lorraine?" he grinned, though he knew it was.

I glared at him. "Yes, Lorraine. Isn't there some unwritten rule that says you can't date your sister's friends?"

He shrugged. Apparently, Antonin's infuriatingly nonchalant attitude was rubbing off on him after all the time they'd spent together in the dormitory. "Alecto, it's really none of your business who I'm, er, 'getting cozy' with. Besides, with all the time you spend with Antonin, you're being a tad hypocritical, don't you think?"

"Antonin?" I shot back, though I could feel myself blushing. "We're just friends!"

"So are Lorraine and I... as of yet, at least," he smirked. "Don't worry about me, Alecto. Honestly, you're sticking your nose in where it doesn't belong."

"Fine," I snapped, "But don't come crawling to me when she breaks your heart!"

I knew my friend too well to trust her with the emotional wellbeing of my brother. And so, when confronting him failed, I instead cornered her in the dormitory one evening.

"Lorraine, stay away from my brother," I growled as I buttoned up my pajama top.

"Hm?" she replied airily, fixing me with an innocent look.

"You know what I'm talking about. Stay away from him. You're supposed to be my friend- you shouldn't go around breaking my brother's heart."

She laughed. "No one's getting their heart broken, Alecto."

I didn't for a second believe her- with her perfectly pouty red lips and bouncy, shiny blonde hair, Lorraine even _looked_ quite the part of a heart breaker. "Right, Lory, right," I muttered sarcastically. I knew she'd be on to her next crush within the next week or two.

"Don't be such a pessimist. Your brother's old enough to make his own decisions. It's not even any of your business."

Despite my odd sense of foreboding, I just rolled my eyes. "Whatever you say, Lorraine."

If things ended badly, they couldn't say I didn't warn them.

---

Things didn't, actually, end too badly. I think all along they were both just in it for a few snogs or whatever else they could get from each other, and so hardly any caring was involved all along. Lorraine, dramatic as always, came crying to me when they broke up; other than that, though, my worrying had been superfluous.

Antonin thought the whole thing had been rather funny.

"I can't see why anyone would want to date your brother, really," he told me with a grin the day after they broke up. "Ugly genes run in your family."

Pulling a face, I'd punched him in the arm. "Oh, shut up."

"I'm only joking, Ally, love," he chuckled. "You know that the only reason your brother is so ugly is because you're the one who got all the good looks in the family."

"No, actually, I didn't know that," I replied, puzzled. I wondered what possessed him to say such a thing. Then again, he was a well renowned flirt, so I suppose it shouldn't have been terribly unexpected.

Much more softly, he whispered, "It's true, Ally," and smiled at me with that award winning smile.

I could feel myself melting under his dark gaze. "Th-thanks," I stammered, and he took my hand in his, squeezing it gently.

"You've always been such a pretty girl," he murmured.

We were alone in the Common Room, but I still felt awkward, as if I was seeing something I shouldn't- as if he was showing me some inside, hidden part of himself that he really shouldn't be. "Antonin, I should really be getting to bed-"

As if jolting awake, he'd released my hand and responded quickly, "Oh. Right. Good night, Alecto."

I forced an awkward smile. "'Night, Antonin."

After a second's hesitation, he bent and kissed my forehead before swiftly disappearing through the doorway to his dormitory. I lingered for a moment, pinching myself to assure myself that that had actually just happened- and, I found out with a twinge of pain, it actually had.

* * *

I'd appreciate reviews and such! Thanks so much to everyone who's read this far-- it means a lot to me. (: I'd like to know what you think, too, so please tell me, mmkay?

Until next time,

Caroline


	9. Chapter Eight

Hey! This chapter isn't terribly long, but... Well, you'll see. And I hope you'll like it! (:

* * *

**Chapter Eight**

For the most of the rest of the year, one would never have been able to guess that anything like that had ever been done by Antonin Dolohov. He resumed his cool, collected air around me; we were friendly in a cautious sort of way, and most of the time he came across as more condescending than anything.

Still, I'd tucked the experience away in the back of my mind, and every time he made a particularly sharp jibe at me I would think of it to assure myself that it was all a front for the sake of his reputation.

On Valentine's Day, I once again received a box of chocolates identical to the one I'd received the year before. Antonin only nodded once when I told him about it, though, rather than laughing like he had the previous time.

"What's wrong with you, Antonin?" I finally demanded a few weeks before the end of the school year. He'd been decent, at best, but something was wrong, and I was determined to find out what it was before we parted ways for the holidays.

"Nothing, Ally," he assured me, and tried to step around me, but I stopped him with one arm.

"Oh, please. You've been distant for months now, and you'll barely talk to me anymore," I insisted. "Come on. I thought we were friends. You can talk to me."

With a frown, he looked me over for a second, as though trying to make a decision. Then, severely, he spat, "You thought wrong."

Before I could protest, he'd turned on his heel and walked away.

---

I tried very hard to avoid him after that- he'd completely crushed me. Even if it was only as friends, I had possessed no greater desire than to preserve a relationship with him. Now, I was determined to keep as far from him and his heartbreaking antics as possible.

Unfortunately, this proved extremely difficult.

More than once, he would grab my wrist and begin to talk to me, and then falter, shake his head, and walk away. I was positive that he was trying to apologize, but I wasn't at all inclined to accept his apology.

It was a bit surprising to me, really, when I discovered a neatly written note folded on my pillow. I would have known the neat-yet-masculine handwriting anywhere.

"Antonin," I whispered aloud, the letter clutched in one hand. I was half tempted to burn it, but almost against my will, my hands unfolded the parchment and my eyes began to scan the page.

_Alecto,_

_I miss you. I'm really sorry about what I said- I didn't mean it as it came across. I was just confused, I suppose, about what I meant to say. Anyway, could you please meet me in the Common Room at midnight? I need to talk to you._

_Yours,_

_Antonin_

My immediate reaction was to crumple the paper. Who did he think he was, anyway, coming crawling back for forgiveness after he'd completely shattered me with his words? But then, in the back of my mind, all of the times he'd actually been my friend began to seep up from my forgotten memories. How could I possibly refuse him?

So, against my better judgment, at midnight when I crept down to the Common Room. He was seated on the sofa, his back turned to me. Though I was stealthily making my way to join him, without even turning, he murmured, "Hello, Ally."

"How'd you know it was me?" I sat down next to him, nervously playing with my hair as I did so. He never failed to intimidate me.

"The way you walked down the stairs. You've got a very distinctive way of walking," he grinned.

Though I was trying to keep my distance in order to protect myself from getting hurt all over again, I couldn't help but smile back, slightly. "So why'd you need to talk to me?"

"Because," he told me, suddenly very serious. "I've come to realize something."

"What's that?"

"No need to be impatient," Antonin chuckled. "Anyway. Remember what you asked me before school started?"

I blushed at the memory, cursing how childish and naive I'd been. With as much composure as possible, I managed, "How could I forget?"

He sighed, looking at the dying fire in the grate for a moment. Then he looked back at me, and answered evenly, "I've come to realize that if you still are offering... I'd like nothing better than to be your first kiss. It's not as if anyone else would be daft enough to kiss you, after all, so you may as well get the experience once in your lifetime."

My immediate reaction was to scowl, and he grinned playfully. "Oh, Ally, you never could take a joke," he muttered, leaning toward me.

The next thing I knew, he'd kissed me.

---

That night, I'd slept better than I had in years- after I stopped giggling into my pillow, that is. He'd told me point-blank that I couldn't expect a relationship from him just because he'd kissed me, but I was quite giddy nonetheless.

My good mood lasted until the end of the school year. He and I were talking again- freely, not in the strained way we had been- and I'd never been more content with the state of things between us.

He never really explained why, exactly, he'd distanced himself from me for all of those months. I have my theories, of course, but the fact that he's Antonin Dolohov (and as such, does as he pleases) has always been enough to explain any of his behaviour, so I've never pressed the matter.

Finally, I'd gotten all I'd ever asked him for. I should have known better, though, than to assume that it would be enough to keep me content for very long.

* * *

Ooh, foreshadowing! (:

I'm pretty sure that you saw that coming, but still, it's one of my favourite Antonin/Alecto moments thus far. Next chapter coming soon! Thanks so much for reading, and reviews would be much appreciated-- hint, hint.


	10. Chapter Nine

Here's a super long chapter for you! Well, comparatively, at least. Enjoy! Oh, and I should warn you, there's some pretty sappy stuff ahead. Well, for Antonin and Alecto's standards, anyway. I hope you like it. (:

* * *

**Chapter Nine**

Because I was to be going into my fifth year and much too old for childish nicknames, that summer I insisted that nobody, not even my family, was permitted to call me 'Ally' anymore. It was an immature, dumb thing to be called, in my opinion.

My father, who had always thought that Alecto was a boyish sounding name, always used to call me the stupid nickname, but even he grudgingly gave it up, claiming that I was "growing up too fast" and all sorts of nonsense. Seeing as he was usually urging me to be more mature, I didn't quite understand what the problem was.

The only one who didn't seem inclined to cooperate was Antonin, who had never called me Alecto and probably never would. I didn't fight him too much on that point except for when he was being frustrating- which was actually most of the time, but he never paid me any mind.

On my fifteenth birthday, he came to our house unannounced. My mother didn't mind- she loved him just as every other woman in the world did- and she didn't even care that Amycus wasn't home that day. I think she was still holding onto the notion that he and I would end up married. After all, he was the only male who I'd ever really befriended, much less showed interest in.

We sat in the parlour, he leaning back in his chair casually, and me sitting on the edge of the sofa with my eyes trained on his handsome face.

"Happy birthday, love," he finally broke the silence, bringing back memories of the birthday so long ago when we'd talked in the garden. It seemed like a different, forgotten world to me now; it had been so long ago that we were children that I couldn't quite recall how it felt.

"Thanks," I returned, smiling at him. There wasn't much that could make me smile unconditionally. Antonin- lucky him- was one of those things that had that capability.

Glancing around the room to ensure that we were alone, he muttered, "I've brought you something."

My eyebrows raised. I couldn't recall an occasion in the past in which either of us had ever given anything to one another. "Really, you shouldn't have gone through the effort," I scolded, though I was really quite pleased.

"I thought that was what made it special. Of course I don't _have _to, but the fact that I wanted to do something for you... I think the correct response, Ally, would have been 'thank you'." He was smirking, lording his cleverness over me even on my own birthday.

With a light scowl, I replied, "Well then, thank you."

"Better," he answered, reaching into his pocket and pulling out a small black box. "There you go."

I looked down at it. It was about eight inches long, and narrow. "What is it?" I queried, not feeling like I should take it until I was certain it wouldn't bite. You never knew, really.

"Open it," he commanded, handing it over.

As I lifted the lid, there was a knot in my stomach. His dark eyes were fixed on my face, watching for a reaction, but I only noticed that by glancing up before I fixed my attention back on the gift.

What I found against the black satin lining of the box was, quite possibly, the most beautiful necklace I'd ever seen. Attached to a thin silver chain was a tiny silver heart, around the border of which were set seven tiny emeralds, all encircling a small, glittering diamond- a Slytherin-approved piece of jewelry if I'd ever seen one.

My eyes were certainly quite wide by that point, but I hardly realised it. All I knew was that I couldn't possibly accept such a thing, particularly from Antonin.

"Do you like it?" he questioned, apparently unable for once to read my expression. I looked at him briefly, then back at the necklace.

"Antonin, I love it," I breathed, and then continued regretfully, "but I can't keep this. It must have cost a fortune-"

"It's rude to talk about the price of gifts you receive, Ally," he cut me off, sounding a twinge unhappy. "And I'm not taking it back."

I frowned. "It's also rude to give jewelry to a girl who isn't your girlfriend, particularly when you know I'd never be able to buy you anything half as expensive in return."

Sighing, he leaned forward on his elbows toward me. "Ally. I never asked for anything in return."

"I know," I told him, "and it's beautiful. But Antonin-" I shut the lid and held it out to him, my mind made up. "I can't take this from you. You know that. I'm sorry."

He took the black box, obviously disappointed. The expression on his face looked foreign, as if he wasn't used to feeling like that. Which, I decided, was probably true.

"Care to stay for dinner?" I invited, trying to make it up to him.

Shaking his head, he stood and made for the fireplace. "I'd better be getting home. Thank you for your time."

I was surprised by the trace of hurt I could sense in his voice. "I'm sorry," I repeated quietly.

He nodded. "I know. Happy birthday, love." And with that, he turned, threw a handful of Floo Powder into the grate, and was gone.

I think I really hurt his feelings through that rejection, which alerted me to two things at the time. The first was that he actually had feelings, and the second was that he might not have been as invincible as he seemed, after all.

And, later on, I realised something else, as well- something even more shocking than my previous revelations.

Antonin Dolohov actually cared about me.

---

By the time the school year rolled around, we'd put the necklace incident behind us and were friends again. He, Amycus, and I spent most of our time together (my brother was about as apt as making friends as I was, and most of his crowd had graduated already), and through many nights in the library reading up on hexes, we became one of the most formidable forces in the school.

It was natural, with the amount of time we spent together, that rumours would start flying about me and Antonin. Unfortunately, this was a fact that gave my brother a lot of grief- for some reason, he didn't like the idea of his little sister dating his best friend.

"Alecto, are you and Antonin dating?" he questioned one night for what was probably the ninth time that week.

This time, rather than ignoring him as I usually did, I mumbled, "Ha. I wish."

"I'd rather you didn't, you know," he pressed. "It'd make things awkward."

"You dated Lorraine," I pointed out dismissively. "Besides, I don't think Antonin is interested in me in that way. He prefers the busty, blonde type." Sure, I wasn't anything horrendous to look at, but I certainly didn't feel that I compared to what I viewed as the sort of girls Antonin went for. They all seemed to be destined to become lingerie models.

"Does he?" Amycus responded, as if that was new to him. "I mean, I know some of them have been like that- oh, alright, most of them- but you two spend an awful lot of time with each other. It seems like..."

He'd gone silent. "Like?" I prompted, impatiently, though I didn't need him to finish it. "Really, Amycus, there's nothing happening there." Even as I stated it, I was wishing desperately that my words weren't true.

My brother turned on the common room sofa so that he was laying on his back and I couldn't see his face. "Right, Alecto, right," he returned in a disbelieving tone.

Deciding the conversation was over, I looked back down at the book I'd been studying. Other people were in the Common Room; I wondered how many of them had caught the conversation, and how many of them were thinking along the same lines as he. For some reason, I felt good knowing that people thought that Antonin and I were together. Even if it wasn't true, it gave me a sort of power, and- I hoped- deterred other girls from getting too close to him.

---

Due to pending OWLs, I spent a good portion of that year studying, as well. Antonin offered, with a teasing grin, to help me out in Transfiguration were I to require it. It was hard to believe that so much time had elapsed since our weekly meetings in the library; it felt like only a few days since he'd been laughing at me for mixing up facts.

The way he'd begun to treat me, though, was a far cry from the cruelty of our childhood. Sure, he was the same Antonin- his gloating grin and casual demeanor were enough to point out that fact. Something had changed between us, though. As if he was making up for lost time, he treated me better than I'd ever seen him treat anyone, even those who seemed to be his closest friends.

Most of the time, I attributed it to the fact that we'd grown up together, and he was something of a brotherly figure in my life. Perhaps I thought he was the most gorgeous person on the face of the planet and would have liked nothing better than to kiss him passionately half the time, but we'd grown up together, and he was always somewhat protective of me. It was one of those "he can tease me but he'll punch anyone else who tries" sort of deals. And whereas it frustrated me sometimes, I sort of liked it.

Amycus didn't, though. He seemed determined to keep Antonin as far away from me as possible. It might have been a sweet gesture, seeing as he was trying to keep me from getting my heart broken. However, there were two things wrong with that- one, he was being a bloody hypocrite, and two, I didn't _want _to be kept away from Antonin.

It didn't exactly surprise me that they stopped talking to each other by the time Christmas break came around, though that did make my social life awkward.

---

Only a week after break did I discover how far gone their friendship truly was.

I'd been out with Lorraine, who'd had a chocolate craving and dragged me along to the kitchens, and was just coming back into the Common Room when I heard voices- familiar, angry voices.

"Leave it, Alecto," Lory had urged me, then disappearing up to the dormitory herself. However, I'd been unable to do so.

Antonin and Amycus were both standing, facing each other and looking murderous. Whereas I'd only caught the angry buzz of their voices before, at a closer proximity, I could make out words- words that I didn't exactly want to be hearing, to be quite honest, but that I couldn't tear myself away from nonetheless.

"--away from her," I caught my brother growling, and assumed he was talking about me. There wasn't any other 'her' he really seemed to care about, after all.

"Make me," Antonin shot back, an extremely dangerous sort of look on his face.

Within the next second, their wands were drawn and pointed furiously at each other, both of them looking as if they would enjoy nothing more than a fight to the death.

"You don't know what you're getting into," threatened Antonin, his voice a low sort of purr that made the hairs on the back of my neck stand up, though from fear or something else, I was never sure.

"I damned well do," Amycus spat back. "You're not about to go shagging my sister!"

I could almost hear Antonin gritting his teeth, even though I was across the room, standing on the lowest step to my dormitory so I would remain hidden by shadow.

"You think," he hissed, "that I would _ever _compromise Alecto in any way?"

"S'not like you've given me any reason to think otherwise, Dolohov."

By that time, I wasn't even thinking that my brother sort of had a point there about Antonin's ways with women. I was far too concerned with what was going to happen.

Red sparks fell from the end of Amycus's wand as Antonin took a vicious step forward. I almost felt sick.

"Don't you _dare _even _think _to suggest that I would _ever _treat Alecto badly." I could hear murder in Antonin's voice. He'd never, in my life, sounded that angry- and he'd gotten pretty nasty in some of our arguments, too.

"What am I supposed to think, Dolohov? That you're _not _going to treat her as if she's a whore, just like you treat every other girl?"

It seemed as if Antonin was trying very hard to keep his temper in check. "She's not like every other girl to me, Amycus," he insisted, shortly. "And you know it."

"Oh?" my brother sneered. "Do I, then? I was under the impression that, and I quote, 'all girls aren't much more good than a shag'. Or have you had some divine revelation since then?"

"Shut up," was all Antonin seemed capable of. I was pretty sure that had he possessed the capability to breathe fire, he would have been doing so. My heart was fluttering against my ribcage, and I shifted my weight from foot to foot nervously.

Amycus really didn't seem to be afraid to cross any lines, because rather than doing what was advisable before things got nasty, he answered, "What, Dolohov? Afraid to hear the truth? Face it, you're not good enough for her."

"Maybe I'm not," he returned, though not nearly as bitterly as I'd expected him to be.

My brother, however, seemed intent on picking a fight, even though Antonin had assumed a less hostile stance. "You aren't and you know it. You stay the hell away and keep your filthy hands off her. Or else."

"Are you threatening me?" Antonin chuckled incredulously.

"If you touch Alecto I am. I'm not going to stand by and let you turn my sister into another one of your whores."

"I've told you before, I'd never-"

"So you say, but you have yet to act in a way that would suggest that."

Shaking his head, Antonin replied, "Oh, shove off. It's not any of your business anyway. Ally can make her own decisions."

With a scowl, Amycus answered, "It's my business to protect my sister from you. We both know full well that she's desperate enough to whore herself off to anything that offers."

I might have been offended that my brother had accused me of such a thing had Antonin's fist not collided with Amycus's nose, making a sickening crunch that indicated it had broken. Unable to stop myself, I cried out loudly, but by then the blow had been returned and I doubt either of them heard me.

In horror, I watched the two wrestle with each other. Antonin seemed to have the advantage, seeing as he was far more muscular than my lanky brother, but Amycus had more experience fist-fighting.

Their wands were forgotten for the moment, but mine wasn't, and in a moment of sanity I pulled it out and shouted, "Petrificus Totalus!"

The incantation, which had been an impromptu attempt to stun them both, hit my brother. He fell rigidly to the floor, and Antonin disentangled himself, looking at me interestedly. "How much of that did you catch?" He didn't seem to mind that I'd heard anything; his tone was more that of polite curiosity.

"A bit," I admitted. There was a slight tremor in my voice. Then, I changed the subject abruptly. "You're bleeding, Antonin."

Wiping the back of his hand across his lip carelessly, he muttered, "That doesn't matter. Are you alright?"

My eyebrows raised. "Why wouldn't I be?" It astonished me that he could have just been in a fight and still his full concern seemed to be for me. From what I knew of his character, he wasn't typically a caring-for-others type of individual. Strange, really; maybe he'd gotten hit a bit too hard in the head.

With a shrug, he stated, "You know I wouldn't have hit him had he not insulted you, right? I didn't want to hurt him-"

"I know," I cut Antonin off, glancing at my brother. His already forming bruises seemed much worse than Antonin's, and his nose was bleeding profusely. "But why?"

His mouth forming a thin line, he waved his wand lazily at Amycus' still form before saying anything. I remembered that the hex I'd used didn't impair hearing, and was glad for Antonin's quick thinking as my brother's ears glowed an odd orange color that I was almost sure meant temporary deafness. Anything Amycus heard, he liked to use against whoever had said it.

"Because, Ally," Antonin sighed, coming toward me and putting a hand on my shoulder gently, "No one has the right to talk about you that way. You're the best girl I know, and..."

I didn't even prompt him when he trailed off. I'd heard enough to discern two things- one, that he was being completely honest, and two, that he'd actually just given me an honest-to-Merlin compliment.

For a second, I thought I'd died and gone to heaven. I couldn't help myself but to wrap my arms around him and kiss his cheek. "Good night, Antonin," I told him simply, deciding it would be best to get to bed before I did something stupid.

He smiled, and I felt my insides turn to mush. "Good night, Ally."

So long as he would smile that way at me, I didn't even care that he'd just given my brother a black eye and a broken nose. I didn't care about anything in the world.

* * *

Aww, young love. Don't worry, they aren't going to sit around being sappy for the rest of the story, I promise. Please review! I'd love to hear what you think! Thanks so much for reading, and a special thanks to the user Jacalyn Hyde for recommending that I update my fic description and for inspiring me with her reviews and her own writing. Seriously. It's awesome. Go read it. Now. (:

Until next time,

Caroline


	11. Chapter Ten

Well, life's been a bit crazy lately, but here's chapter ten for you guys. As always, thanks for reading, and don't forget to review at the end! (:

A sentence in this chapter is actually where I got the title of the story from. See if you can find it.

* * *

**Chapter Ten**

It was a warm summer evening. I was sitting back against the pillows on my bed, flipping through 'Witch Weekly' lazily and neglecting the packing I should have been doing for the upcoming term, seeing as it was late in August.

All of my family was off, somewhere; I couldn't exactly remember where they'd gone, but I really didn't care.

The loud crack of someone Apparating directly in front of me was the thing that really gained my attention. In my shock, it took me a second to realize that the intruder was none other than Antonin Dolohov- and that, somehow, succeeded in shocking me even more.

"Wh-what are you doing here?" I questioned, staring at him.

"Something I should have done a long time ago," he responded, coming toward me in one swift movement. Only then did it occur to me how predatory his gaze was.

"Antonin, what-"

"Sh," he urged softly. He was standing over me, and it suddenly occurred to me how appealing he truly was. Leaning closer, he whispered, "Isn't this what you want?"

As I nodded mutely, he chuckled, and his fingers brushed my hair back from my face. "It's what I want, too, Ally. I love you." His mouth was so close to mine that I could almost taste his words, as rich and dark as the rest of him.

Before I could feel his kiss, though, my eyes fluttered open to find that I was quite alone in my dark room.

I really hated dreams that got my hopes up that way.

---

That was not the last time that I had such a dream involving Antonin. It made things really awkward in person, though I only saw him sporadically that summer; after his and Amycus's falling out, he couldn't exactly spend much time at my house, and it was improper for me to go to his unsupervised.

Which only made it all the more freaky when a pair of familiar arms slipped around me from behind at platform nine and three quarters. I spun around immediately, not at all accustomed to that sort of greeting, particularly from him.

"Ally, I've missed you," he grinned, more at the surprised look on my face than anything else.

"I've missed you, too, but was that any reason to physically assault me in the train station?" I laughed in return, pulling away from him. As much as I didn't want to, I really didn't want rumours to start circulating about us that early in the year, either.

"You know you enjoyed it," he teased, and I rolled my eyes.

Moments later, we were seated in the same compartment on the train, one which was thankfully empty besides us. There was so much catching up to do that I wasn't even sure where to begin.

"I missed your birthday," he began, as if reading my mind to know that I needed a conversation starter.

With a shrug, I mumbled, "Doesn't matter."

"I guess not," he replied, "to you, at least. But I feel bad. Will you let me make it up to you?"

My immediate thought was that this couldn't possibly be Antonin, because the Antonin I knew never felt bad, and definitely never _ever _asked to make something up to someone when it hadn't been required of him.

"Um," I fumbled.

"Excellent," he cut me off. I knew better than to argue, though I was baffled.

"How was your summer?" finally I decided to ask, picking something more neutral and hoping he would keep it that way.

"Pretty miserable," he informed me nonchalantly.

Raising an eyebrow, I questioned, "Why?"

For a split second, he seemed contemplative, as if he was struggling with his response. The look was gone so quickly that I thought I must have imagined it. "Just because," came his nebulous answer, and so I decided to drop that vein of conversation.

"Did you miss me?" I teased.

Antonin looked at me for a moment, more seriously than I thought the comment had merited. "A lot, Ally."

"Oh."

We were both quiet. For some reason, Antonin being nice was far more difficult to deal with than Antonin being taunting; I couldn't stand the fact that I wasn't quite sure how to react. Even more surprisingly, he didn't seem to be reveling in that fact for once.

"I love you," his voice finally broke the silence.

My eyes fixed on his immediately. _What_? Every time I'd imagined and dreamed of him telling me that had been different from this. I wished I could respond like I did in my fantasies, but all I did was gape wordlessly, my mind not at all reacting the way it was supposed to.

"No you don't," I heard my voice, cold and foreign. The expression on his face changed from one of a sort of resignation to that of disappointment and hurt, one that didn't seem to belong there. I was waiting for him to start laughing, say he was only joking, or else for myself to wake up and find out it was just another odd dream.

Neither happened.

Antonin clenched and unclenched his jaw a few times, getting that far away look that he got when keeping his emotions in check. Though nervous to see which emotion that was, I was intrigued by this reaction; hadn't he known that I would rebuff empty words?

"I do, Ally, with every fibre of my being," he insisted. There was a tiny bit of desperation laced into his tone. _My_ Antonin was never desperate.

Shaking my head, I answered, "Don't lie to me, Antonin. You don't even know how to love."

If I'd slapped him across the face, he probably couldn't have been more dumbstruck. "I'd never lie to you. I love you. I do. You... you can't just..."

But what he thought I couldn't just do, I never found out. He went quiet, looking off into space. I suppose I was lost in my thoughts as well, because I jumped when I heard the swish of the compartment door sliding shut.

I was startled to find tears on my face. I wasn't even sure what exactly had just happened.

* * *

Woo! What'd you think? Alecto really annoyed me in this chapter, but in a sense, so did Antonin. They're both insufferably immature, for the most part. Oh well, it makes for interesting fanfiction!

Well, don't forget to review- I love feedback. (: Next chapter coming in the next few days, I should think.

Much love! -Caroline


	12. Chapter Eleven

Lucky you: Two chapters in one day! Does this indicate anything about my boredom level? Yeah, thought so. I have through chapter twenty two done, and I'm almost finished with twenty three, so I figure why not post more? I'm aiming to be finished completely by the end of 2008, so yeah. We'll see how it goes!

Enjoy!

* * *

**Chapter Eleven**

"Lory," I groaned later that evening, after the Feast, as we got ready for bed. "He told me that he loved me."

"And?" my friend answered, as if boys told me they loved me on a daily basis.

"Well, he used the 'L' word, for one. And two, he seemed completely serious."

"How did you react?" she asked, still seemingly unconcerned.

"I told him he didn't. And he left."

Her eyes fixed on me disbelievingly. "You what?"

"I-"

"No, I heard you," she cut me off, and then sighed. "Oh, Alecto."

Scowling, I questioned, "Well, what would you have done?"

"Taken what I could get. For all you know, he was telling the truth. Sure seems like it, anyway," Lorraine answered. "You probably just rejected the person who'd like to be with you the most. And, judging by the way you act around him, the one you want the most, as well."

"What do you mean? Antonin and I have never been anything but friends."

"Right," she replied sarcastically. "I've spent the last five years with you two. I should know, Alecto. You're in denial."

"No, I'm not!" I protested. "I want nothing more than for him to love me."

"Then accept the fact that he does," she instructed simply.

"But I don't know if he does, Lory. I want to trust him, but I can't."

"Don't worry. I've got a plan. Now shut up so I can sleep."

---

Lorraine's plan, by the end of the week, was still not apparent to me. At least, not until the night that she shoved me behind a tapestry in the Common Room and whispered fiercely, "Wait here and shut up!"

I did as I was bid, mostly because she was known to get touchy when she didn't get her way. It didn't even occur to me that this was part of her plan until I heard her sultry, flirtatious voice that she only put on right before she convinced a guy to take her back to his dormitory.

"Hey, Antonin."

There was a second of silence; I wondered if he was ignoring her. The tapestry was so thick and dusty it was all I could do to keep from sneezing, and it was rather difficult to tell what was going on while trying to focus on keeping quiet.

"Hi," I finally heard a very hollow voice say. Could that really be the smooth, self-assured Antonin I'd always known?

"What are you doing?" I could have gagged. She was practically purring.

"Walking, until you got in my way," he answered in the same dead tone.

"Oh? Well you know... Most guys don't really mind when I, er, get in their way," came her same convincingly slutty voice. In my mind, I was imagining her hanging all over him, and again I felt like vomiting.

"Lorraine, I'm really not in the mood," he snapped, suddenly a lot more clearly. "Stay away from me."

I heard his footsteps, and wondered what good that had done, when she called, "Antonin... is this about Alecto?"

The steps stopped. Finally, softly, I heard, "Yes."

"And I'm guessing you're not sleeping with me for as long as she's around?" I realised that she was, cleverly, playing it off like I couldn't hear anything, and that she was genuinely interested in him.

"I'm not sleeping with anyone," he informed her. "She... Well, never mind." The footsteps commenced, and once they'd faded, I emerged coughing from my hiding place.

"Are you convinced?" she questioned.

"Mostly," I admitted, suddenly wanting very much just to be alone with my thoughts.

---

After a few days, in which I formulated how to go about rectifying the situation, I decided that it was time I addressed Antonin- and all of my fears. Even then, I wasn't sure what I was afraid of; it wasn't as if rejection was uncommon to me, and it seemed unlikely that I would have to face it, anyway. Perhaps it was just the image of a "proper Antonin girlfriend" that I didn't feel I could measure up to. Regardless, I was very, very nervous about confronting him.

Finally, I was able to put that aside and write him an owl in order that we might meet in private. I didn't feel that my love life, or whatever this counted as, needed an audience.

_Antonin,_

_Meet me at 9 PM in the Forbidden Tower. I need to talk to you very badly._

_Alecto_

It seemed wrong, like the words were too forced, but I'd already sent the owl swooping down the breakfast table toward him. As I watched him open the note, I noticed how awful (well, comparatively) he really looked. It seemed as if he'd been neglecting sleep, and the unruliness of his hair looked less purposeful. And, try as he might to make normal conversation, it seemed he could only stand to say a few words at a time before he lost interest in what the people around him were saying.

His eyes scanned the parchment once, twice, then he glanced down the table at me. I smiled in the most convincing manner I knew how, and he shrugged.

Deciding to take that as a yes before he changed his mind, I slipped out of the Great Hall, feeling his eyes trailing after me the whole way.

---

The Forbidden Tower was spooky, even in daylight, so the fact that it was 9 PM wasn't exactly helping the atmosphere as I waited for Antonin to come meet me. I'd only chosen this place because I knew no one else would venture up there, particularly at that time.

9:05 and he still hadn't turned up. My Antonin was never late; had I been wrong to assume he would come? But then, silent as a shadow, he emerged from the dark stairwell. In the faint beam of light coming from my wand, he looked like a walking corpse.

"You need something?" he queried coolly, his gaze an inquiring one. He didn't seem terribly peeved, though. More like weary.

"Yeah," I answered, then pressed my lips together. What was I supposed to say?

He took another step toward me, his eyes dark and searching. "What is it, Ally?"

It shattered me how concerned he could seem even when he thought his love was unrequited. "I... I just..."

"I didn't mean it," he interjected. "What I said on the train. It was childish for me to even think that. You were right. I can't possibly know how to love." There was a half-crazed gleam in the way he was looking at me, as if he was the most desperate man alive and only I could feed his desire.

"But Antonin," I protested softly, moving toward him automatically. "I think you do."

His brow furrowed; I was pretty sure I'd caught him off guard for once. "You think I do what?"

"Know how to love. Or at least, I should hope you do." My words were surprising me. Had I read this in a romance novel?

"What?" Apparently he was as surprised as I was.

"I mean," I continued, not knowing where in the recesses of my mind I was pulling this all from, "It would be a sad world in which you were incapable of returning all the feelings I have for you."

His jaw clenched. "Ally, I don't want your pity."

"It's not pity, Antonin. It's the most real thing in the world." I was moving ever closer; I reached out and touched his hand, which wrapped around mine as though it were instinct.

"Ally..."

"I love you," I stated before he could go on with whatever stupid thought he'd been trying to finish.

For a second, it was as if he'd gone numb. His expression was completely blank, the hand grasping mine had let go and fallen limply to his side.

Then, slowly, a smile crept across his mouth. He reached, in a fluid motion, behind my head, tilting it back so that when his lips found mine, everything about it was perfect. There was no question in my mind- we just _belonged_ that way.

"Say that again," came the whisper in my ear. My eyes were closed, and I hadn't even noticed when he'd stopped kissing me. I was too warm, too happy, to register very much at the moment.

But I knew what he wanted, and was all too willing to oblige. "I love you, Antonin Dolohov. I love you."

Even Veritaserum couldn't have produced a truer confession.

"I've been waiting so long to hear that," he whispered, his breath hot against the side of my face. He pressed a kiss against my cheek, and I could feel him smiling.

I was fairly sure that no matter how many girls he had been with, they'd never seen him hold a smile for more than a second, if at all. And now he'd gone well over a minute, and I was sure the expression hadn't faded in its rare, astonishingly gorgeous radiance.

"I never knew," I whispered, and suddenly almost wanted to cry. Whether of joy or regret, or some twisted combination, I was unsure.

"You couldn't have, love. It's alright." He was stroking my hair, gentle in every way. I'd never seen Antonin as gentle before, it had always been more of a smooth sort of forcefulness. I liked this tenderness much more.

Though, at the same time, it only made me blame myself to a yet higher degree. If I was the only one capable of coaxing the kindness out of his black soul, why had I not realised it sooner? Why was I so eager to believe the worst of him? "I'm sorry," I managed.

I say 'managed' because in the next second, his warm, sweet mouth had captured mine again, and I was quite incapable of speech, even if I'd wanted to say something. My mind became a million colors at once, and I wasn't sure if my eyes were opened or shut or if it even mattered.

His arms, strong and secure as they'd always looked to be, wrapped around me, pulling me as close as possible without hurting me, and then cradling me against him. The nearness caused my skin to burn, and yet the lustful feeling I'd anticipated never came. Instead, a renewed sense of belonging in his arms swept over me, and I sighed contently as he pulled away.

"Antonin..." But there were no words. He was still smiling.

"You're shaking, Ally," he informed me softly, and I realised that I was. "Are you alright? Cold?" One of his hands moved to check my forehead, I supposed for fever.

"No, no," I insisted. "I'm fine. Just... overwhelmed."

"Do we need to go back to the dungeons?" He was being sweet enough to make me wonder who'd gotten into the Polyjuice Potion, but I knew that no one else in the world would be able to kiss that way.

"No, Antonin," I repeated, not as weakly. "It's just... I didn't expect... that I'd ever be this lucky..."

"If _you're_ lucky, then I must have been raised on nothing but Felix Felicis," Antonin grinned back, but he had let go of me by the end of the statement. "Ally, it's as if everything I'd ever wanted- ever _dreamed_- has come true right in front of my eyes."

Beaming, I tried to get near to him again, but he wouldn't have it. "Did I do something?" I asked, shocked by his sudden mood change.

For the first time since I'd expressed my love, the smile faded from his face. "No. I did."

I could feel my face contorting to confusion. "What?"

"Ally," he whispered, touching my cheek with a caress so light I barely felt the ghost of his fingers against my skin. "You're so perfect. So pure. But I'm..."

Not about to let him finish that sentence, I interjected, "No. You're wrong. You're perfect, Antonin, more perfect than I could ever hope to be... The only one in the world who I really look at and admire... The only wizard I'll ever want to be close to..." I was well aware I was saying foolish things, but at the moment, they came so naturally it was impossible to hold back.

Looking a tad surprised, he questioned, "Then why do I feel so inferior? I've messed up so much already, Ally. I'm sorry. I'm not worth loving." There was suddenly a masked, guarded sort of countenance on his face, as if he didn't want me to see how much it hurt him to say that.

But I didn't need him to say it. I could feel it, radiating from all the subtleties in him, every tiny nuance of his body language.

And I could also feel my own anger at him saying that. How dare he insult himself in that way? "No," I growled. "You listen to me." My hands, without my conscious decision, had found themselves at either side of his face, directing him to look me in the eye as I spoke. Somehow, that made the words more potent. "You are the single most amazing person I know. And I don't care if you've made one mistake or infinity, I'm going to love you regardless."

Tears I didn't realise I had in my eyes began to fall down my cheeks. He brushed them away with his thumbs, silently, his intense gaze saying more than words ever could.

"Don't make me take advantage of that fact," he half joked, pulling me against himself yet again in a comfortable embrace.

"Mmm," was all that I could return, and we stood like that for a long while. No words were necessary. We were together, and so long as that was true, nothing else mattered.

* * *

Eww, sappy, right? Yeah. That's what I said. d: Anyway, don't worry, more angst and drama to come! And a look into the darker nature of both of them. Well, at least, there will be in a few chapters. You'll see. Review please! Maybe I'll get the next chapter up faster that way. (;


	13. Chapter Twelve

Hey guys! Alright, this is going to be the last chapter until next Friday or so, most likely. I'm going out of town with my family. Happy Thanksgiving to all you USA citizens out there, and to the rest of you, have a lovely week!

By the way, more fluff ahead, but just a bit. Things get more intense pretty soon, I promise.

* * *

**Chapter Twelve**

"Ally, dearest," Antonin softly requested into my ear, "Will you please stop that? It makes it very difficult for me to focus."

We were sharing an armchair; I was leaned back against him with my fingers tracing patterns on one of his thighs while he attempted to study for his upcoming Charms exam.

From the couch across from us, Lorraine made a disgusted face, in spite of the fact she told me pretty much every night before bed that Antonin and I made the cutest pair she'd ever seen. It seemed as if news of us becoming official spread through the school faster than wildfire, no doubt thanks to my big-mouthed blonde friend, though I couldn't hate her for it. So long as I had my amazing boyfriend, it was hard to get me mad about much of anything, actually.

He was like the yin to my yang. If I'd thought I'd been spending every moment possible with him prior to this year, I'd been wrong; apart from classes, and sometimes even then when he could convince me to skive off, we were together whenever possible.

Most of the hours we spent talking, other times kissing, and sometimes we would just hold each other quietly for no good reason at all, communicating things through our still silence that we never could have had we used our voices.

Every day, I found myself more in love with him. I relished in the way the sunlight caught a glint in his dark brown hair, reveled in how brilliant he was on every subject I could possibly think of, delighted in the casual way in which he leaned against the wall as he waited for me between Potions and lunch.

I stopped the pattern-tracing at his request, shifting to a more comfortable position on his lap and nuzzling my face against his shoulder. That was the one thing I'd noticed about Antonin- he almost constantly demanded affection from me in some way or another. It felt sometimes as if he needed to reaffirm that I loved him over and over again, and my touch was the only agent capable.

Not that I minded providing it.

"You don't need to study," I reminded him, feeling more demanding than usual that evening.

With a chuckle, he shut the book. "You're going to be the reason that I fail all of my classes, Ally." The way he spoke suggested that he didn't mind, and his lips on my neck reaffirmed that.

---

Valentine's day, I thought, would probably come and go like every other day; Antonin didn't strike me as the type for pink hearts and cherubs, after all. It was a Hogsmeade weekend, though, and he insisted on taking me out for a date.

"It won't be a stupid date," he assured me. "I would be taking you whether the Hogsmeade weekend was any other day of the year, you know."

"Right, right," I answered, still not entirely thrilled. To me, it had always seemed a bit of a silly holiday, even if it was only a coincidence.

And so, at his insistence, we spent most of that Saturday sitting on a large rock in front of the Shrieking Shack- it was the least crowded place in Hogsmeade- and just talking about nothing in particular, his arm around me and my head on his shoulder.

"I have a confession to make," he announced, mysteriously, as the sunlight turned golden in the late afternoon.

"Hm?" I asked, busy playing with the perfect hand I was holding.

"I'm a wanker with no guts."

"What?" Usually, he was one of the most egotistical people I knew.

"I'm an idiot, a loser, and a coward," he went on.

"No you're not," I protested, but he put a finger over my lips to silence me.

"Alecto, I've been admiring you for years," he informed me softly, which surprised me a bit. I'd always figured his love had been a fairly recent development, perhaps a few months before this school year had started, at most.

"... Really?"

With a soft laugh at how eager I seemed at that news, he nodded. "I was about fourteen when I realised it."

"Realised what?"

"How perfect you are, Ally." He twirled a lock of my hair between his fingers.

"I'm not."

"Are, too." His grin was infectious, and I felt myself smiling back.

"If it's been years... why didn't you do something sooner?"

"Again, Ally, I'm a coward," he told me. "But I did do something. You probably just didn't make the connection."

"What connection?" I queried, entirely confused.

"Do you remember your 'secret admirer' who's sent you chocolates every Valentine's day for the past three or so years?"

"That was you?" I laughed, incredulously. "Really?"

"Yeah," he shrugged. "Told you I was a coward. It took me years to say anything in person."

"I don't care," I announced.

"You don't care?"

"I don't care how long it took you. I'm just glad you said anything at all," I declared, and then I kissed him.

---

One night, though, he-without telling me beforehand, no less- didn't turn up at our usual time.

I was perplexed and offended. I spent the evening in the Common Room, not talking to anyone, trying to sort out what could possibly have caused him to deviate from our usual schedule. When he finally appeared on the dormitory stairs, I wasn't quite sure whether I should be angry or happy to see him.

There must have been a conflict between the two on my face, because he laughed and hugged me. "I'm so sorry for being late, Ally," he apologised gently. "But there's something I need to talk to you about."

My heart stood still for a moment in an anticipatory sort of fear. "What is it?" Sure, he didn't seem to think that whatever he was about to say was a horribly grave matter, but Antonin was an expert at betraying no emotion.

After looking around conspiratorially, he whispered, "You've no doubt heard of Lord Voldemort."

I nodded. My parents mentioned the Dark Lord often over dinner, and the whole of Slytherin house buzzed with news of him from time to time. There was a war going on, I knew, right now; it had never directly affected me, though, so I hadn't given it too much thought.

"They keep us very sheltered in this school," he continued, "but the fact is... he's growing in power. There's a foreseeable end to this war, one in which wizarding bloodlines are once again cleansed." An excited gleam had entered his eyes as he spoke. "And he's building an army of his closest supporters."

My brow furrowed. "And?"

"We've been holding secret meetings- in Hogsmeade, mostly- with the Death Eaters. They're trying to gain our allegiances at a younger age, see."

"The who?"

"Death Eaters- his inner circle. My uncle's one, that's how I got started. And Ally, I'm... I'm going to join them, at the end of the year. So's Amycus." He seemed so proud of himself, and yet I failed to see why.

"So you're pledging your life to someone you've never met, to fight in a war that's probably just going to wind up doing more killing than good?"

"That's not it at all, Ally," he insisted, taking my hands in his. "I'm fighting for what I believe in. I'm fighting to rid us of all the filthy scum that's been polluting our world. I'm doing this to make a better world for us to live in together... I thought you'd be happy."

I wanted to be happy for him, but all I could feel was dread. "This isn't going to turn out well for you."

"You don't know that. I'll be fine," Antonin pressed, seeming a bit offended that I wasn't seeing this the same way that he was.

I sighed. I hated seeing him disappointed in my reaction. "I'm going to support you though, Antonin, no matter what. You know that, right?"

With a wry smile, he wrapped his arms around me. "I know. I just wish you could be happy about it."

Frowning, I pulled away from him. "I'm happy that you're doing something you feel is important, Antonin. It's just... I worry about you."

"You shouldn't," he chided gently. "I can take care of myself."

There was no point in arguing with him, I decided. "Alright."

"I love you, Ally," he reminded me, smoothing my hair away from my face.

"Love you too," came the automatic response, and I forced a smile. There was too much worry lurking in my mind for me to snap out of my uneasy state.

He was quiet for a moment, his eyes searching my expression. "If it would make you feel better to know what I was doing, you can come to one of the meetings with me. There's another in two weeks."

I shook my head. My parents would never approve, and I trusted him not to do anything ridiculous. "Just don't get in over your head, Antonin."

"I won't," he assured me, but there was something ominous about the silence that followed.

---

The school year passed entirely too quickly for my liking. Antonin suggesting failing all of his NEWTs so that he could stay for another year, but we both knew that could never happen. Apparently, I was just going to have to deal with losing him.

"It's not losing me," he reminded me every time I put it that way. "I'll be there to meet you for every Hogsmeade weekend. And I'll write you every day."

As I pouted slightly, he pulled me closer. "Don't be difficult, Ally. We've still got the whole summer to spend as we please."

"But you know that my family won't-" I started to point out.

"Your family nothing," Antonin answered. "I've already written to your parents, and they've agreed to let you come to Italy with me."

Though I wondered how much gold he'd had to bribe them with to get them to agree to that, I was too shocked to put the question into words. "Antonin..."

"My parents are picking us up at the platform tomorrow. Or, I should say, having us picked up. I was going to surprise you with this on the train, actually." Fondly, he ran his fingers through my hair.

"... Wow," I managed.

His smile was expectant, waiting for a more telling reaction.

"Wow," I repeated. "The whole summer?"

Nodding, he pressed, "Isn't it great, Ally? Just you and me at my family's vacation home..."

Just us? I wasn't entirely sure how I felt about that. "Um, you mean alone?"

He nodded, seemingly misinterpreting my hesitance. "At least most of the time. Unless you would rather not be?"

"Actually..."

Looking a tad crestfallen, he murmured softly, "I thought you would like it."

"I would like it, but... I don't know, it seems more like a honeymoon than an innocent vacation."

With a laugh, Antonin ran one hand down the side of my face. "No, Alecto... I'm planning on taking you somewhere much nicer for our honeymoon."

Raising my eyebrows, I replied, "I still don't know about this. I mean... it's not really... proper, is it?" I was blushing, and I knew it. My family had always been very old fashioned in its views of that sort of thing, and whereas I wasn't completely sheltered, it wasn't one of my regular topics of conversation.

"Hey, hey," he coaxed softly. "Didn't I tell you that your parents had agreed to this? Don't you think that there are some conditions to you staying with me?"

"Well, yes, but..."

"Sh," was his only response. With a sigh, I resigned myself to this vacation plan of his, even though it still gave me a rather unsettling feeling.

"Fine, but Antonin..."

"Yes, love?"

"If at any point I want to go home-"

"You won't," he cut me off, finishing his statement with the sort of kiss that makes a girl weak at the knees. How was I supposed to refuse that?

* * *

Finally, the Death Eaters are mentioned! Took me long enough, didn't it? Yeah. This is the point where Antonin's personality starts to change and he becomes two versions of himself: Alecto's Antonin and Voldemort's. ... Thus the title of this whole fanfiction.

Please review! (:

Until next week,

Caroline


	14. Chapter Thirteen

It's about time I posted a new chapter! Sorry for the wait; I've been on vacation for the past week and things have just been a little crazy. Thanks for sticking with me, and chapter fourteen is coming soon!

* * *

**Chapter Thirteen**

Actually, the situation wasn't nearly as full of temptation as I'd thought it would be. Well, I mean, sure, we shared some less-than-chaste kisses, and there were occasions when I had to stop for fear that I would lose my self control, but Antonin himself seemed just fine to take things at whatever pace I wanted them.

In some ways, that frustrated me. Sure, I would rather have a loving, considerate boyfriend than one who was constantly trying to pressure me, but at the same time, I was getting tired of everything being about what I wanted, as strange as that sensation was. My love for him made it impossible for me to fully appreciate the fact that he took it upon himself to cater to my every whim. I felt guilty every time he would do anything for me, especially when I hadn't specifically asked for it.

That contributed a great deal of difficulty in trying not to take things too far. In many ways, I felt as if I owed him, or as if it was expected of me. He, certainly, would never say anything flat out, but by the fact that I was certain he had never been with a girl this long without sleeping with her, I was almost positive that he would expect something of me soon. It was a bit perplexing to me, actually, that after months of our being "official" he still hadn't even mentioned that.

Though I knew he'd probably never dare mention it, I also knew he probably wanted it. For that reason, I approached him late one night after we'd separated to our own rooms, crawling up next to him in his bed and kissing him without saying a word. In my mind, it was the only way I would be able to repay him for everything he did for me.

Antonin, surprised but apparently pleased, kissed back, his strong arms wrapping around me. After a few minutes of feverish kissing, he pulled away for air, and I could feel his eyes on me in the semi-darkness.

"What was that for?"

I smiled in the most seductive way I knew how and ran one hand over his bare chest. It was convenient, I thought, that he slept only in his boxers. It gave me less time to back down.

"For being the most wonderful wizard in all of Europe."

He leaned closer, his lips ghosting against my jaw. "Not the whole world?"

"You could be," I murmured, running my other hand over him as well at that point. "You'll have to prove it, though."

A slight growl came from his throat as he pinned me down on the bed, his lips re-capturing mine in the same fluid motion. It was a perfect reaction, as always; the one I'd been expecting, even. Still, I couldn't help but feel slightly uncomfortable with what I was doing. Most expect me to have little-to-no moral standards, but that's completely untrue. Sure, some of the people I associate with don't, but you get that anywhere. The codes of chivalry are actually upheld pretty highly in elitist Pureblood society, particularly where women are involved.

Sensing my slight hesitation, Antonin pulled away, looking down at me with concern. "What, Ally?"

Shaking my head, I whispered, "Nothing at all."

Seeming satisfied, he began kissing me again. I knew he wouldn't do anything without permission, which in some ways made the situation all the more difficult- it was entirely up to me. I couldn't bring myself to do much more than run my hands over his back, through his hair, wherever they wanted to go- touching was innocent enough that I didn't get much backlash from my conscience for it.

Apparently, though, Antonin was ultra perceptive of my thoughts that evening, because he pulled away again. "Talk to me," he instructed, touching the side of my face in a loving caress. "There's something wrong. What is it?"

"Nothing," I repeated insistently, though I was sure the way in which I spoke it would betray me.

His eyebrows quirked downward thoughtfully, and he rolled onto his back with a sigh. "You make everything so difficult sometimes."

My teeth clenched together, more out of surprise than anger. That was the meanest thing he'd said to me in many months, and though he didn't say it in a malicious way, it still stung a bit. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be. You can't help it, I don't think... you just don't seem to want to accept the fact that I care about you."

"I want to. It's just that there are a lot of things I feel bad for allowing. Sometimes, I think you care a bit too much."

With a soft chuckle, he turned onto his side, wrapping one arm around me and drawing me closer to himself. "You're my world, Ally. I have to care."

"I don't deserve it," I sighed, snuggling against him anyway.

He didn't say anything for a moment. Finally, he queried, "Why did you come here tonight, Alecto? Did you need anything?"

"Just you."

Seeming satisfied, he kissed my hair. "I love hearing that." After a second, he added, "Somehow, though, I don't entirely believe it. You're a Slytherin- you always want something." I could hear the teasing smile in his voice.

With a sigh, I mumbled, "It was nothing, I've changed my mind."

"Tell me," he pressed, sounding for all the world as if it would kill him not to know. I could never resist him when he was being convincing, and I wasn't in the mood to put up much of a fight, anyway.

"Antonin, do you want us to take our relationship... further?"

There was no answer for a long, awkward time. "I want what you want, Ally."

"I want you to honestly tell me, then."

"Alright. You are the single most amazing person I've ever met, and by far the most remarkable girl I've been in a relationship with."

"That doesn't answer-"

"Let me finish, love. Before you, I was never serious about anyone. I took girls to my bed and never really gave it a second thought. And because of that, I was extremely hesitant to let myself love you- I was afraid I might end up using you, and afraid that you might not want me after all of my stupid mistakes."

I frowned, not seeing where he was going. "And?"

"Ally, I want our first time to be special. Most of all, I don't want you to feel obligated to it. I want you to want it. And... if you'll have it... I'd sort of like to be married."

For a second, I thought I'd misheard him. Had he honestly just mentioned marriage? If there was one thing I could never picture Antonin doing, it was permanent commitment. Then again, he'd been known to surprise me before.

I pulled away from him, getting up off the bed and staring at him, slightly shocked. "I'd better go get some sleep."

"Alright, love." Antonin seemed disappointed in my reaction. "Sleep well. I love you."

"I love you too." I paused at the door and added without looking back, "I just need time to think things over, you know?"

"I know. Go sleep, love."

I obliged, though I was almost afraid to wake up in the morning.

---

Actually, he didn't bring it up over breakfast, or at all for the next few weeks we spent together prior to our return to England, and I was just fine with that- even if there were a lot of unanswered questions in my mind. At sixteen, I didn't feel ready to be married, and yet... it was Antonin. My other half, my soulmate- couldn't I put aside my desires to cling to the remainder of my childhood, if only for his sake?

So long as I didn't have to answer that question, I was determined not to. The night before I returned to school, Antonin turned up at my house and half frightened me into thinking that I was going to face it sooner rather than later.

"Alecto."

I hadn't even heard him apparate into my room, and Antonin never called me Alecto. I whirled around, unsure if I'd heard him correctly. "... Antonin?"

He didn't even respond to the question in my voice as his arms encircled me and his lips pressed against mine. I suppose, in a sense, it was all the answer I needed; regardless, I wasn't protesting.

"Ally, I can't believe this summer has gone by so quickly," he murmured, sounding extremely discontent with the notion. "Do you have to go back to school? I've got enough money that you don't even need an education..."

"My parents wouldn't be too happy about that," I answered; we'd had this conversation before.

"But I would. And who's more important to you?"

"Hm," I grinned, "I don't know, I think they are. I have to live in their house, you know."

"You don't have to," Antonin whispered, and my heart skipped a beat. He seemed content enough to leave the subject at that though, at least for the moment.

"You want your girlfriend to live on the streets? Oh, I see how it is."

He kissed me briefly, laughing. "Ally, I love you, I really do."

"Sure," I responded, trying to glare at him, which just made him continue to laugh. "Antonin, if you don't stop laughing, my parents are going to find out you're here!"

"Let them," he grinned, though he complied. "I know a couple of good memory modifying jinxes-"

I rolled my eyes, though I was smiling.

"Ah, Ally," he sighed gently, "How am I supposed to live without you?"

"How do you think I feel?" I returned, my mood changing completely now that I had been reminded of the fact that I was leaving. "I'm going to die without you."

"You'd better not."

"That depends how often you write me."

"I would say I would write you every time I missed you, but then I would never stop," he answered before kissing me yet again.

"Antonin..." I started as his lips moved to my neck.

"Mm?"

"You are going to write, aren't you?"

"Every day," he promised against my collar bone. "I may even sneak in to see you."

"But if you got caught-"

"Love," he informed me, whispering right into my ear so that chills went down my spine, "I never get caught."

With a sigh, I decided not to protest. It was best just to let him do as he pleased, I knew, and if it was clear that it really bothered me, I was certain that he wasn't going to follow through with it.

After another couple of minutes, in which he made it increasingly difficult not to just drag him onto the bed and rip his clothes off, Antonin pulled back, a slight grin on his face as if he was up to no good- which, considering him, I knew he probably wasn't.

"Sit down," he commanded in a smooth, gentle way that gave me no choice but to do so. I watched him warily from the edge of my bed as he sat down beside me. "Good girl," he purred, and I could feel every hair on the back of my neck standing on end.

"Now... I've got something for you." He drew a narrow black box from his pocket, one which I recognized immediately. The contents of said box still stunned me every time I gave it a thought, and yet as he drew the lid off the box the necklace that met my eyes wasn't in any way done justice by my memory.

"I sort of want to have my mark on you when you go back to school." He half-smiled and added, "I thought you might actually accept it now that we're... us."

I tried to decide what to stay- I still wasn't completely keen on accepting something of such high quality.

"Here, let me help you," he offered gently, though the way in which he proposed it indicated that he'd read my mind, and wasn't going to let me get away with refusing him again. He delicately lifted the necklace from its case and unclasped it; I lifted my hair so that he could fasten it for me.

There was a moment of silence in which he watched me, as if observing the effect.

"Beautiful," he finally uttered, and I got the feeling that he wasn't describing any jewelry as he said it. I blushed.

* * *

Isn't that precious? Yeah. Thought so. I know I promised there wouldn't be too much more fluff, and there won't. Well, there will be some, but I promise, trials and tribulations are coming too! Just wait for it! Thanks so much for reading, and please review! -Caroline


	15. Chapter Fourteen

Chapter fourteen! Enjoy. (: As always, thanks for reading. Yes, there's a bit of fluff ahead, but not quite so much, alright? Alright.

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**Chapter Fourteen**

Though one might have thought that spending five hours the previous night just cuddling and whispering loving nothings to one another would have constituted as a thorough goodbye, Antonin still came to see me off at King's Cross. I had to tear myself away from Lory, who was babbling about her various summer flings, and for a second he just stood silently, looking at me as if there was no one else at the platform.

"I'm going to miss you," he finally told me softly. "Are you absolutely positive that you have to go back? What difference is one year going to make?"

"Don't tempt me," I answered with a weak smile.

Sighing, he pulled me against his chest and kissed my hair. "Is it so wrong that I don't want to have to live without the one I love the most?"

"I'll be home at Christmas. You won't even have time to miss me." I was trying to be positive, but Christmas seemed an awfully long way off.

"Ally, I miss you even when you're just one room away for one minute. How is it possible that I won't when you're off at school?"

Even though I was glad to hear such things from him, it was breaking my heart that he was telling me that then- particularly when I had no control over the matter. "Antonin..."

I wasn't exactly sure what I was trying to say, but he seemed to know because he kissed my forehead and whispered, "I'll be all right. You just behave yourself and don't get too wrapped up in all of Lorraine's drama, okay?"

Nodding, I responded, "I'll write you as often as I can."

"I know." He was quiet for a second, and then he let go of me. "You'd better get going before you miss the train."

"Antonin..." There was a lump in my throat, and I could feel tears prickling behind my eyes. Willing myself not to cry, I swallowed and then finished lamely, "Take care."

"I love you," he stated solemnly, his fingers brushing absently over the necklace he'd given me the previous evening. I couldn't bring myself to meet his eyes.

"I love you, too." By that point, I was having to breathe deeply in order to refrain from collapsing into his arms and sobbing.

"I know." He tilted my chin up gently with one hand and pressed his lips to mine. There was too much "goodbye" written into that kiss for it to be enjoyable, and when he pulled back, he had to wipe a tear from my cheek that I hadn't even realised had fallen.

"Bye..." I mumbled, pulling away from him. I was afraid that if I lingered any longer, I would never be able to leave.

"Bye," he returned, sounding as if it was the very last word he wanted to say.

I turned and boarded the train before the longing in his eyes could overwhelm me.

---

School began in the usual fashion; teachers were emphasizing how important our NEWTs were and how it was even more paramount than ever to keep on track with our studies. I wasn't too interested, really, even though I expected to have a career of some sort when I finished school. I had never been particularly goal oriented.

Though I missed Antonin terribly, his letters- which came almost daily, and sometimes more than that- made it a bit easier to be away from him. He kept me updated on his life, mostly, though I got the occasional slip of paper that merely read "I love you", which somehow always meant more to me than a full-length letter.

I suppose I treasured the shorter notes more because it seemed like his desire to be with me was so overwhelming that he'd lacked the patience to sit down and compose a drawn out message; it gave me a sort of reassurance that he wasn't forgetting about me while I was gone. Not that I'd thought he would, mind you- he was by far the more attentive and loving than any boy I'd known or heard of, and never once while I was away did my faith in him really waver.

However, the last week in October- the one preceding the first Hogsmeade weekend of the year- I wrote him to ask if he'd be coming to meet me, seeing as he'd promised to do so every time I visited the village. Rather than writing back immediately as usual, he didn't write at all.

Thursday and Friday, the two days following when I sent the letter, I was extremely on edge about most everything. I was eager to hear from him, especially if he was writing to tell me that I would, indeed, be seeing him at the end of the week- but, unfortunately, there was still no answer by Saturday morning.

I considered not going at all, but Lorraine wouldn't hear of it.

"Merlin, Alecto," she told me exasperatedly, "I thought that once he left school, you'd be done obsessing over him!"

When I merely glared at her in response, she qualified, "Sure, he's worth obsessing over, but honestly. Take the day off. If he writes while we're gone, I'm sure the letter isn't going to grow legs and walk away by tonight."

"Ugh," I answered, rolling my eyes.

"I'll take that as a yes. I'll meet you in the Common Room in ten minutes, okay?"

I sighed heavily, but somehow wound up in the Common Room ten minutes later, anyway.

"I knew you'd come around," she beamed.

A little while later, though, she'd ditched me in order to try on a pair of dress robes I was almost positive that she already owned somewhere in her immense collection of clothes. Bored, I went outside to see if there was anything more interesting for me to do. Of course, there really wasn't much hope for that, but it was better than listening to Lorraine go on about whether or not she really wanted to buy new robes or if she looked fat or whatever.

There were many students bustling around the street, despite the chilly wind. I was regretting my decision to come to the village, and wondering whether I should just leave- I doubted that my friend would notice anytime soon, anyway.

After a couple minutes' deliberation, I began to trudge my way back toward the castle, deciding it really wasn't worth it to waste time I could spend on homework.

"Leaving so soon?" came a very soft, entirely familiar voice in my ear as a pair of arms wound around me from behind.

"Wh-" I sputtered immediately, too surprised to do much besides spin around. " Antonin! I- you- but- You know I hate surprises."

He grinned, looking very pleased with himself. "I know."

"Why didn't you tell me that you were going to be here?" I queried, though a bit less peeved now that the shock had worn off.

"To surprise you. Why else?"

I was too happy to see him to say anything more on the matter, which I think was probably his intention. "Antonin..."

"I've missed you so much," he finished the statement for me, and then kissed me. It felt amazing to have his lips against mine after so long, and I almost wanted to protest when he pulled away. "I have something to show you."

"What?" I asked, but he just smiled mysteriously. "Antonin, you know that I-"

"Hate surprises, yes. That's precisely why this has to be one," he cut in, smirking slightly. When I wrinkled my nose, his smirk turned into a fond smile. "Honestly, Ally, one would think that it was a heinous crime to keep you in suspense for longer than five seconds."

"It is a heinous crime," I insisted, teasingly.

"Somehow, I think you'll forgive me," he murmured in my ear, and then kissed it before skillfully running his lips down my neck. He was right, of course, and I couldn't help but shiver slightly.

With a self satisfied smile, he pulled away and laced his fingers with mine. "Come on, love."

"Where?" I demanded to know, though I was certain he wouldn't tell me. He seemed to enjoy frustrating me.

"Somewhere," he shrugged vaguely, and despite how obnoxious he was being I had to admit that he was gorgeous while being infuriating.

"Antonin-"

"You'll see, Ally. And you'll like it. I promise."

Though I knew he wouldn't make it a surprise unless it was really worth it, I was still slightly annoyed. Perhaps I was just used to him catering to my every whim, but the fact that he wouldn't just flat out tell me where we were going wasn't exactly the sort of thing that I took kindly to.

I was even more irritated when everything suddenly went dark. A blindfolding spell, no doubt. "What if I fall down?" I demanded to know, stopping in my tracks.

Sighing, he questioned, "Do you want me to carry you, then?"

"I want you to just tell me where we're going. You're torturing me." And to think, I'd really been looking forward to seeing him again.

"It's not far," he answered, as if I'd asked, and pulled on my arm gently. Apparently, I was getting no choice in the matter whatsoever.

Reluctantly, I stumbled along with only his and in mine as a guide. Finally, after it seemed like we had walked for miles, his voice came softly in my ear, "We're here."

Immediately, light flooded my vision as he removed the spell; I had to blink a few times to realise that we were in the more residential area on the outskirts of town.

"It's not much, but I thought that if I was close-"

"Antonin, you bought a house?"

Directly in front of us was quite possibly the most charming brick house that I'd ever seen. There was no doubt in my mind that it cost a fortune.

He glanced at the building, then back at me, and shrugged. "I might have."

"Why?"

"To be closer to you."

I sighed impatiently. He was really a bit obsessive. If I hadn't known him all my life, I might have been alarmed at the obvious fixation he had on being as close to me as possible at all times. As it was, I'd always known he had a very intense personality- I'd just never really expected it to be exhibited in this way.

"You don't like it?" He looked genuinely crestfallen.

"Antonin, it's a beautiful house, but... I guess I just don't understand you. I can't see why you'd just go buy this when you have a perfectly good one already."

"Do you expect me to live with my parents forever? Honestly, Ally, if I'd known you were so keen to live with them when we got married, I might have reconsidered."

There he went, mentioning marriage again. I couldn't help but bristle slightly at the thought- we were far too young for him to be talking about things like that. "That's in the very distant future," I pointed out. "For the moment, you really don't need this... it's not like I can come visit you. There's no reason to be so close."

"I like keeping an eye on you," he shrugged, though he was frowning as if I'd said something that offended him. "Do you not want me around?"

"I love you being around, I just... I..." I wasn't sure what it was, exactly. "I just think you're getting too serious."

Looking distinctly uncomfortable, he gave a short "Oh" before averting his eyes, his gaze becoming fixated on his shoes. "So... you're not serious about us?"

"Of course I am. I love you. But I mean, I'm only seventeen. I don't know how the rest of my life is going to turn out yet and..." The dejected way he looked up at me was extremely alarming. It almost looked as if I was breaking his heart, though I really wasn't sure how. "Stop looking at me that way."

His jaw clenched, as if he was fighting something internally. Though I was used to the feeling that his dark eyes were searching my soul, there was a disconcerting element to the gaze that I wasn't accustomed to, almost as if he was trying to change what I was saying into something he would rather hear. "Alright, Ally," he finally returned, more coolly. "You're right. You're young. I get it. You need to explore your options before you decide to get serious about an idiot like me-"

"What?" I cut him off immediately, an incredulous edge in my voice. "You honestly think I would settle for anything less than you?"

"I don't see any other reason for you to always get so... so... touchy when I mention marriage. I was under the impression that we loved each other and that it would only be natural we would spend our lives together, but apparently you think differently."

Scowling, I stepped away from him. "You're being ridiculous. I never said I don't want to marry you. I just don't want to rush into things."

"Why wait, Ally?" he demanded. "You're the only girl I'll ever love, and if half of what you say is true then your case is much the same. Why, then, waste time that we could be spending together?"

By that point, I didn't even want to give an answer. He was being unreasonable, and suddenly, I was glad that I could go back to the castle and not see him for a couple of months. I didn't want to be around him at the moment- especially when he was basically accusing me of not loving him.

"You know what? Fine," I shot back. "I'll marry you straight out of school. Hell, I'll marry you right now, forget my education. I don't need to ever pursue a career or take time after school to forge my own way in the world before tying my life to someone else's permanently." My words were dripping with caustic sarcasm, and I could feel angry tears burning behind my eyes.

Antonin, always the calm, collected one, merely sighed. "Whatever you want, Ally."

"Quit calling me that," I insisted. Though I was sounding increasingly immature, I was irritated and didn't care.

"Alright."

"I want to leave now."

"Alright. At the end of the lane, take a right... you'll see the village."

I could feel his eyes boring into my back as I walked away, but something kept me from looking back. I didn't even want to know his reaction.

* * *

Someone's PMSing and her name starts with an "A" and ends with a "lecto". Um, anyway, I'd love to hear what you think, so please review! (: Told you it wasn't all fluff from here on out. So ha.


	16. Chapter Fifteen

Sorry it's been taking me so long to update- finals and school work and my social life are making life so crazy I can hardly take time to breathe. I'm putting up two chapters today, and expect more soon, probably Wednesday- but no promises!

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**Chapter Fifteen**

I expected him to write, to want to make things all better. Truth be told, I really wanted him to. I was certain that if he loved me half as much as he always claimed, he wouldn't be able to last a day without repairing our relationship... But three days later, when he still hadn't written, I was getting increasingly depressed.

"Have you ever considered the fact that maybe he wants you to write him? You're the one who did the leaving, Alecto," Lorraine pointed out, which was becoming something of a mantra for her.

"If he wants me back, he'll act on that. If not-" I could feel tears burning behind my eyes for what felt like the millionth time and fell silent.

Sighing impatiently, she patted my shoulder in a gesture of comfort, though I could tell she was really just fed up with me. "If you want him so badly, stop sitting around doing nothing about it."

"He probably hates me, anyway. It's not going to do anything."

"The way you go on about it, I'd almost think that you actually love him."

I frowned. Had that fact ever been in question? "Of course I do," I dismissed her statement. She fixed me with a very serious look.

"Alecto, you know my mother is a big supporter of the Dark Lord, right?"

I nodded. Everyone in the Wizarding world, basically, knew; Dalia Wilkes was a highly social woman and none too discreet.

"She's told me more than once that love is weakness, and that it's part of the basic philosophy of the Dark Lord and his supporters. And, well..."

"What does this have to do with anything?"

"So long as Antonin's a Death Eater, he's never going to love you back. Actually, I was under the impression that you were going to become one yourself."

I would have protested that I knew for a fact that he loved me, but there was an even more important piece of her proclamation that took precedence over that. "He's a Death Eater?"

"I thought he took you to meetings." Obviously, she didn't see how that could be news to me.

"He did, but I never knew he'd actually been marked," I answered, lowering my voice so the other girls in the dormitory couldn't hear. Even if they did all have their loyalties in the right place, which I wasn't certain of, it was best not to go parading that sort of information around.

"Well," Lorraine shrugged, "I'm not sure if he really has. I've just heard... things."

So it may or may not have been true. Shaking my head, I decided it was time for the conversation to be over and got up to move to my own four-poster.

"Alecto, just be careful with your feelings. They make you vulnerable."

Crawling under the sheets, I ignored her. If Antonin really had taken the Dark Mark... wasn't that the sort of thing he would have told me right away?

---

Time blurred together as I spiraled into a state of severe depression. I missed him. Everything reminded me of him. I wanted to beg him to forgive me, to take me back, to hold me and kiss me and make me forget how much it had hurt when we'd been separated.

Instead, I put on a brave face and pretended to be alright. There was no use crawling back, and it was quite obvious from his lack of pursuit that he wasn't in any way interested.

His face haunted me, his voice rang in my ears when no one was around, and I couldn't do anything without somehow connecting something with him. I did my homework, ate, slept; I was completely "normal" so far as outsiders were concerned. Inside, though... it was as if my heart had disappeared and been replaced with a black hole. I was void of anything that mattered. And, quite honestly, I didn't care anymore. Lorraine fussed and always brought him up somehow and made it worse, so I avoided her until she began ignoring me. Simple.

No one really looked in my direction, and I was fine with that. Or so I pretended.

On day five, though, I heard someone say my name- and for once, it wasn't the ghost of Antonin's voice haunting my memory. I whirled around, taken aback. I wasn't even sure when the last time I'd had a conversation was that hadn't involved Lorraine telling me how stupid I was being.

"Alecto," the speaker repeated, now that he'd captured my attention. It was one of the Rosier boys- his name was something like Markus or Matthias or something, I couldn't keep them straight.

Seeing as he was in Slytherin with me, I decided to be decent. "Yes?"

He glanced around, as if to make sure no one was listening, and then leaned toward me conspiratorially and practically whispered, "Do you know where Lorraine is?"

"Nope."

"If you see her, could you tell her I'm looking for her? We were supposed to meet up, but I can't find her anywhere." he looked so earnest I couldn't help but laugh out loud. Lorraine was probably off snogging some other boy, her appointment with Rosier completely forgotten. She'd never been able to master that whole "commitment" thing.

"Isn't she a bit old for you?" I grinned cruelly. It was just too easy to take my angst out on this poor boy. Besides, I was no one's messenger.

"A year," he countered evenly, though there was an element of surprise in his eyes. I laughed again.

"Don't get your hopes up that she'll ever make good on her promise to meet you. Lorraine does have standards, you know." With one last smile, I left him standing there shell shocked. Whatever he had expected from me, I was pretty sure that wasn't it.

For one second as I left, I thought saw a flicker of motion down a corridor to my left, but I quickly pushed it out of my mind. It was too impossible that I had seen who I believed I had. Being apart from Antonin, apparently, was causing me to go insane.

* * *

More angst! Hurrah! You know you love it. Or at least, I know I do. (: Alecto's such a meanieface to little children. Muahahahaha.


	17. Chapter Sixteen

As promised, chapter sixteen. Enjoy?

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**Chapter Sixteen**

Over time, I grew accustomed to my invisibility. Teachers never called on me. I devoted my time to my studies, anything that would take my mind off of the one who kept haunting me. Mostly, it failed to work, but as long as I was trying, I felt a little better about the situation. A little- not enough, of course, to alleviate any of what I felt.

It had been exactly twenty-five days since we broke up, I noted wryly one evening as I worked on a Charms essay. Twenty five days of hell and loneliness like I'd thought I would never have to go through, and not a word of reconciliation. For the first time since I'd left him, I felt tears welling up in my eyes.

"Alecto!"

I started at Lorraine's voice. "What?"

"Owl. For you." I turned, and sure enough, a small black owl was perched on her fist. "Stupid thing wouldn't leave me alone until I brought it here."

I held out my wrist, and the owl hopped on, allowing me to catch a glimpse of the letter in its beak, the elegant handwriting on the outside not at all unfamiliar. "Thanks," I whispered, half to her and half to the bird, which was staring up at me expectantly. I knew I wouldn't be able to handle the letter with the audience in the Common Room, so I retreated to the dormitory.

The owl didn't seem terribly impatient, but even after I'd taken the letter, it refused to leave. So, Antonin wanted a response. Interesting.

I stared at the folded parchment in my hand for a long time, trying to decide what to do. I could open it, and risk being shattered all over again. It couldn't say anything I didn't already know. At least it wasn't a Howler...

Really, though, I didn't want to hear from him. I was convinced that maybe, in a decade or so, I would be able to get over him enough to have some semblance of a normal life. This letter would only make that harder.

On that note, I pulled my wand from my pocket. The owl watched from where it was perched on my bedpost as I muttered "incendio," and sent a small jet of flames at the letter.

The fire, though, only ran down the length of the paper before disappearing as though nothing happened.

I grinned in spite of myself. Of course Antonin would have thought of that.

"Alright," I muttered, "I'll read your stupid letter."

_I miss you terribly and I will never stop loving you. I just want to know if you're happy. If you are, then I wish you all the best in life, because you deserve nothing less. If not, let me know how I can help you._

_I love you._

Happy? He wanted to know if I was happy? We'd been separated for weeks and that's what he wanted? No begging to get back together or describing how much hell he'd been though, he just wanted me to be happy?

I could feel the tears coming back to my eyes.

There was no way I couldn't write back, not after nearly a month of being apart. I rummaged for parchment, found a quill, and then sat down in order to formulate a response, a tear trickling down my cheek.

_Happy? Me? _I began to write, but quickly scrunched up the parchment.

_Are you kidding me? _I scrawled, but discarded that, as well.

_NO I'M NOT HAPPY WHO YOU TAKE ME FOR? _I started again, but decided to try another approach.

_Antonin,_

_Thank you for your concern. Everything is terrific, and I'm happier than I've ever been in my life. NOT. Antonin, I miss you like hell. How could you think I could have all the best in life if I didn't have you? You can help me by saying you'll forget how stupid I've been and forgive me for every stupid thing I said to you. Please, Antonin, I need you to take me back. Please. I'm so sorry... for everything... I love you._

_Love,_

_Alecto_

There was no way words alone could express all I wanted to say, but it would have to do. The second the owl received the letter, it swooped out of the room; I had little doubt that it had been given firm instructions by Antonin, which was just as well. It gave me less time to change my mind.

It was the next morning at breakfast that I received the response.

_I want to see you. Meet me by the front gate during your free period this afternoon._

---

Two o'clock sharp, I wrapped myself in my cloak to counter the cold and ventured out onto the lawns, nervous. It took me longer than usual to get to the gate, mostly because I was so reluctant to face the inevitable. Already, I was jittery and awkward; I wasn't sure if I could stand seeing him face to face.

As it was, though, I knew he would be expecting me. I couldn't back down at this point, and as much as I didn't want to see him, I couldn't live with not seeing him, either.

He wasn't there when I arrived, and for a second, I thought maybe he'd had similar thoughts to mine and chosen the opposite route. Then again, it wasn't like Antonin to back down. Seconds later, I saw him approaching, though the way he was walking wasn't with his usual confident strides.

"Alecto."

I jumped at the sound of his voice, even though I'd seen him coming. It was a beautiful sound, perfect in my ears, and I felt myself relax a little. There was no hostility in him; he seemed to already have forgiven everything I'd put him through, though I was sure it had torn him up just as much as it had me.

There was reservation in his posture, and to be honest, he looked a mess. I was too relieved to see him to care much about the dark circles framing his eyes. I suspected today was the first in a while that he'd bothered to style his hair or shave- but even if he hadn't, I wouldn't have cared.

"Antonin." A smile crept across my face. I couldn't help it. He returned it, hesitantly, as if he wasn't sure if I was about to reject him again or not.

"You look… amazing."

The short space between us suddenly seemed too far, but I didn't want to try my luck, so I stayed where I was. "Thanks…" Biting my lip, I glanced over him briefly one more time. "Look. I really--"

"Alecto... sh," he interrupted softly. "I know."

As I watched him, I realised he really did know what I was trying to say, and not because he could read my mind as I'd once suspected, but because he knew me even better than I knew myself. Rather than being alarmed, as I might have been at one point, it was a feeling of security that overwhelmed me. How could I ever have doubted that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him?

I took a tentative step toward him, and then another. It was my turn to repair the relationship that I'd so stupidly thrown away what seemed like years ago now, even if it had only been a matter of weeks.

Instead of waiting for him to initiate something, I slipped my arms around him and drew him against myself as if he would never be near enough. "Antonin," I whispered, inhaling deeply and reveling in the feeling of being close after all this time. His response was to pull me yet closer, but I was pretty sure he couldn't manage words at the moment.

My eyes flickered shut as I listened to his heart through his cloak, and I inhaled deeply the scent that I'd missed so much. As we stood there, together like we were supposed to be all along, I could almost hear his answer written into the swift drumming of his pulse.

_I love you._

---

* * *

Okay, it's short, but isn't that sweet? I figured because the majority of the story was taken up already by her pining after him, I shouldn't keep them apart for TOO long. So I didn't.

Coming up: Lots of things that you aren't expecting. Or maybe you are.


	18. Chapter Seventeen

Here you go, chapter seventeen! (: I hope you guys enjoy it.

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**Chapter Seventeen**

Once again, Antonin and I were corresponding daily. I never forgot to remind him that I loved him, and neither of us mentioned our period of separation. I was pretty sure that was because neither of us wanted to remember it, but regardless, there was no point dwelling on the past.

Days dragged by. I was eager for the winter holidays, but it seemed that they would never arrive. There was a Hogsmeade weekend in the beginning of December, as well, but I was tempted to forgo it after what had happened last time I'd visited the village. He wouldn't hear of it, though- for some reason beyond my comprehension, he was extremely eager to see me.

Not that I didn't want to see him just as much if not more, mind you. I suppose I found my stupidity harder to forget than he did. Perhaps there's some truth in the saying "love is blind", after all.

I have something to show you tomorrow. Can't wait to see you. I love you, he had written the night before the visit. With that note lying on my pillow, I'd fallen asleep, and awoken with excitement that might have been fitting for a small child.

After practically skipping to the village, I found Antonin right where we'd agreed to meet up in front of the Three Broomsticks. Rather than greeting me with words, he swept me into a gentle kiss that made me warm in spite of the winter snow.

"You want to go get a drink?" he offered. "I mean, we can do whatever you want-"

"What do you want to do?" I queried, eying the crowd warily. I'd never been fond of large groups of people.

"Whatever you'd like. I know you hate shopping, so I was hoping you'd have something in mind."

That was unlike him, not planning ahead. Then again, maybe he was just trying to be extra careful to please me this time around. Feeling guilty, I shrugged. "Let's just walk."

He intertwined his gloved fingers with mine, and we strolled through Hogsmeade together, for once looking the part of a traditional couple. I noted smugly the jealous looks other girls were shooting at me and walked a little closer to him. Occasionally, he would pause and kiss my forehead or my cheek, and I wondered how I could have survived without him for so long.

It wasn't long before we'd reached the outskirts of town. He used his wand to rid a boulder of snow and then gestured for me to sit; I obliged even though the rock was cold through my jeans and leggings.

"Look at this," he grinned, seating himself beside me and reaching into his pocket. He pulled out a small rectangle of paper, which I observed for a moment.

In the picture, there were two very small children. The little girl was smiling at the camera, but her smile would flicker every time the boy next to her would tug on one of the dark ringlets of hair falling over her shoulder, an action which he seemed to enjoy immensely, his eyes only wandering to the camera sporadically with a devilish sort of mischief.

"Antonin... it's us." That was probably back when I was still calling him Tin-Tin.

"I know, Alecto. I thought you'd like that."

"I didn't even realise that there were pictures of us from back then."

"Just this one. I only just found it during my last visit home. I'm not really sure who took it." As I tried to hand it back to him, he added, "I want you to keep it."

"Wow... thanks." It was hard to believe it had been so long since those days.

"You're welcome, Alecto."

Frowning slightly, I asked something that had been on my mind lately. "Why don't you call me Ally anymore?"

"Because you hate it. And you told me not to." For anyone else, those would have been good reasons, but I wasn't content with that.

"Antonin, you can call me whatever you please. I'm so used to it I don't mind so much anymore."

He grinned and kissed me briefly. "As you wish, Ally."

---

Later that afternoon, he took me back to his house-he'd kept it as to avoid living with his parents, and it didn't bother me at all anymore to have him living so close.

The interior was done in predictable Antonin design. Everything seemed to have a theme of expensive, clean, and stylish while being distinctly masculine all the same. In some ways, it didn't even feel like anyone lived there; I recalled his childhood home being much the same way. Unlike the Dolohov's mansion, though, this house was cozy enough that I didn't feel like I was drowning in it as we shrugged out of our coats.

"Welcome," he breathed into my ear from behind, and I shuddered. "Do you want anything?"

Suddenly, I couldn't help myself. I turned around as he shut the door, our nose-to-nose proximity only working in my favour. "Actually," I informed him in an uncharacteristically low murmur, running my hands up his arms to rest on his shoulders, "I do."

I felt him tense slightly, taken by surprise for once, before a casual half-smile worked its way across his face and his fingers traced a course down my back. "And what would that be?"

"You." I took a step back, drawing him after me, waiting for him to react. I wasn't accustomed to being in charge in these situations, or even these situations at all, so I hoped he would catch on and take the lead soon. I wasn't going to be able to remain seductive for much longer without his aid.

He caught my wrist, and moved to close the space between us once again. "I'm yours," he whispered, his breath hot against my skin. Once his lips had captured mine, my mind lost track of things; by the time he pulled back for air, we had somehow relocated to his sitting room couch, which he had me pinned against quite effectively.

Before his mouth had reclaimed mine, though, a knock came on the front door; he hesitated for a second, wanting to ignore it.

"You ought to go see who it is," I suggested reluctantly.

With a sigh, he nodded. "Alright, but know that I have full intentions of picking up where we left off later. Stay here, I should only be a minute."

One minute turned into two, and, growing impatient, I got up to follow him to the foyer, partially just because I was curious as to who had come to see him.

The girl- well, woman- standing in the doorway could only be described as beautiful, with a curtain of honey blonde hair and the sort of face that would probably turn heads wherever she went. There was a smile on her full lips, and she was chatting comfortably with Antonin, a half-step too close to him for my liking.

To make my presence known, I cleared my throat, and Antonin turned with an apologetic look on his face.

"'Oo is zis?" the blonde asked before I could, her accent obviously French. I hated her more every second.

"This is my Alecto," Antonin replied with a hint of pride.

"Ze one zat made you sick with 'eart break?"

Ignoring her question, he directed his attention to me. "Ally, this is Margot- she's an old family friend."

"You call me old... zat is... 'ow do you say... insulting," she giggled, obviously flirting. With my Antonin. Unacceptable.

He offered her a weak smile before taking a step toward me to wrap his arm around my waist, almost possessively. "Well, I need to be getting Alecto back to the school, Margot, so if you don't mind..."

"Not at all. I was seemply saying 'ello. I will come back when you are less... beezy, oui?"

"Alright," he agreed as she turned and walked out.

Before apparating, she waggled her fingers at him over her shoulder. "Adieu, Tony."

Once she'd disappeared, I fixed Antonin with A Look. "Who in the name of Salazar Slytherin was that?"

"Like I said, an old family friend. One of my family's most important international allies, in fact... the Leroux family holds a lot of power."

"She's... pretty." I was- not so subtly- trying to coax details out of him.

Pressing a kiss to my forehead, he answered, "She's nothing compared to you."

"Are you really taking me back to the school now?"

"It is getting late... but I'd rather not." He kissed my neck, and I knew I would rather not, either.

"I'll see you in a couple of weeks, though, won't I?"

He shrugged, still reluctant. It was really difficult to be responsible when he was being so loath to let me go. "Only if you want to see me."

"You know I do."

We didn't talk too much as we made our way to the castle gates, and even after we'd arrived I couldn't really think of what I wanted to say. He, ever perceptive of when I was uncomfortable, broke the silence first.

"Would you rather Floo home from my place than take the train for winter break? I can come get you."

"I'd like that," I answered, but then my mouth continued to speak without my permission, "And it will make it easier for you to come over and tell my parents our intentions for when I get out of school."

"Our...?" he pondered, and then his eyes widened. "Oh."

I smiled slightly, awkwardly, wondering if I'd brought that up at the wrong time.

"Ally, don't say that because you feel obliged or something. I'm fine with waiting a few years."

Shaking my head, I drew my hand away from his and lightly touched the side of his face. "Antonin, being... apart... made me realise that there is absolutely nothing in this world more important to me than you. I've never been more sure of anything."

I didn't even have time to think before he was kissing me and my mind went comfortably numb.

* * *

Yes. Alecto DID just agree to marrying him, for the record. What happens next, you wonder? You'll see. Oh, and by the way, I'd like nothing better than a review. Oh, and by the way, Amycus is going to become more important later, for people who are wondering where he is. Don't worry. (:


	19. Chapter Eighteen

It's been a while- So sorry! I've been busy with finals and all sorts of other stuff. My break starts Thursday, though, so hopefully I can get a lot of writing done over the holidays!

Enjoy! This one's a bit longer than usual. (:

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**Chapter Eighteen**

"Are you sure you're alright?" Antonin asked for the fiftieth time since we'd met up.

"I'm fine," I insisted. As fine as I could be before telling my parents that I was getting married. It wasn't that they would have a problem with Antonin, per se; it was more the fact that I was still a child in their eyes. They would be hesitant about the whole matter, even if it had been Voldemort himself I was engaged to.

Antonin raised an eyebrow disbelievingly, but mentioned nothing more about that. "Do you want to wait a little longer before we head over?"

I nodded, and he smiled, sliding closer on the couch.

"Good."

I leaned my head against his shoulder. "Antonin?"

"Yes, darling?"

"How are your parents going to react?"

With a soft chuckle, he answered, "It doesn't matter. It won't change a thing."

"But suppose they disown you."

"They won't. It's not as if you're a mudblood, Ally. You worry too much."

"But what if they don't like me?" I pressed. "What if they think I'm not good enough for you?"

"Alecto." He was suddenly very serious. "You're far more than good enough for me. If they can't see that, it's their problem. But it'll be fine. Trust me."

I closed my eyes, inhaling his intoxicating scent in an effort to calm myself. "Okay."

"That's my girl," he whispered, his thumb tracing my collarbone.

"We should go before my parents worry. I told them I'd be straight home," I informed him, with a trace of reluctance. Depending on my father's mood, the situation could get bad.

Despite my worries, there was nothing but calm curiosity on the faces of my parents when Antonin and I arrived in my living room. I'd conveniently forgotten to mention I was bringing him along.

"Mr. and Mrs. Carrow," Antonin greeted politely. "I hope you don't mind."

"Not at all," my father returned with a smile that didn't quite reach his eyes. Whereas my mother found Antonin absolutely charming, my father wasn't quite so taken.

"Mother, Father," I tried to interrupt the awkwardness. "How have you been?"

"Well enough," my father's tone was notably warmer toward me than Antonin. My mother, as usual, was silent in his presence- even before they'd married, I think she was intimidated by him. The fear only had grown over time, but Amycus and I had always pointedly turned a blind eye toward our parents' relationship. "And you, Alecto?"

I glanced at Antonin, who squeezed my hand and then dropped it before they could see. "I've been fine, father, thank you."

"Sir," Antonin cut in, making me think that he might have been about as unsure regarding the situation as I was, "I have... We have... something we'd like to tell you."

Immediately, both of my parents eyed the pair of us suspiciously, though my mother with less hostility.

"Alecto?" my father inquired. Antonin nudged my arm, encouraging me to tell them. I wished I didn't have to be the one to break the news.

"Antonin's asked me to marry him." I knew I must have looked terrified as I spoke.

My mother uttered a soft "oh", but her face lit up a bit. My father, on the other hand, continued to look suspicious. "You're still in school, Alecto."

"Oh, we'll wait until the summer, at least, sir," Antonin answered for me.

I could see the gears working in my father's mind, weighing the benefits of having me marry into such a prestigious family against the fact that he didn't wish for me to grow up.

"Alright," finally came the answer. "You have my blessing."

My mother was suppressing a smile, I could tell. She'd wanted this to happen all along, I think.

---

Antonin left shortly after that, deciding not to press our luck by overstaying his welcome. I was sure my mother would have enjoyed him staying around all day, but my father would never approve; I didn't want to risk him rethinking his decision on the matter, either.

When I'd asked when he'd come see me next, the only answer Antonin gave was "soon", which could have meant anything. Turns out, though, that soon was really only a few hours. I was half ready for bed when he appeared silently in my room, grinning in a devilishly attractive way.

"How'd you do that?" I queried, positive that apparition always occurred with a loud 'crack'.

"Practice."

"You're not normal."

He grinned slightly, his hand running over my hair, which was still damp from my shower. "Never said I was, did I?"

"I guess not. But that still doesn't explain..."

"Maybe I'll teach you sometime, okay?" His fingertips were tracing circles on my back by that point, his touch through my pajamas making my skin hot.

Rolling my eyes, I shrugged. Obviously, he didn't feel like talking about that at the moment.

As it turned out, he didn't really feel like talking at all. Once he'd pressed his lips against mine, I found that I didn't really feel like talking anymore, either.

The thing about kissing Antonin- apart from the fact that he was outrageously good at it- was the fact that I was never quite sure what to expect. There were times when he'd be gentle and sweet, holding me as if I was breakable, kissing me as if I was precious and fragile. But then there were times where he would nearly bruise my lips with his insistence, and when his hands didn't seem capable of finding enough of me to run over.

This time, one of his hands was resting in the small of my back, and the other was cupping the side of my face gently, his thumb gently tracing my cheekbone as his lips moved against mine. It was, in all respects, the perfect kiss; neither too soft nor too passionate, and yet somehow too much for me to handle all the same.

I knew that silent apparating wasn't the only thing he'd had practice with.

Without really thinking, I deepened the kiss, pulling him closer to me and running my fingers through his hair. It was impulse; I began working at unbuttoning his shirt almost subconsciously.

He shrugged out of it without breaking contact; I was sure we had never had this much skin-to-skin contact before. My nightdress didn't exactly cover much, and my skin tingled everywhere it contacted his, almost as if he was in danger of burning me through mere touch.

"Ally," he whispered against my mouth, almost pleadingly. I felt a shiver run down my spine. Never breaking away, he gently moved us toward my bed, pulling me down so that we were sitting on the edge.

There was nothing rough about his assertiveness, and I was all too happy to follow whatever lead he gave- his kiss was intoxicating, and his hands were doing magic over the exposed skin of my shoulders, arms, and back.

I had to break away after a moment to catch my breath; I could almost hear my rapid heartbeat as he watched me, his eyes dark with desire. "Ally," he repeated, a little more insistence in his tone.

"Hmm?" I managed, before he pulled me against himself so that we were in an even more compromising position. Oh.

There was no way in hell I could stop this, though. Every kiss, every touch, was so perfect; it was all I could do to keep from tearing off his remaining clothing right then. What would he think if I'd let things get this far but wouldn't take them farther?

Of course, I was only trying to rationalize the fact that I didn't want the things he was doing to me to stop by telling myself I'd feel guilty if I didn't let him do as he pleased.

He kissed my jaw, and then trailed more kisses down my neck, and bloody hell it felt amazing. It was as if this was the first time he'd ever been this close to me, even though I was certain we'd had many days doing things like this over the summer. Hadn't we? At the moment, I didn't exactly have full capacity for memory.

"Antonin..."

"Yes, love?" His fingers were dangerously close to the top hem of my shirt, which was a bit too low cut for that to be appropriate. There was still that longing in his eyes, a look that made my heart positively stop beating and my breath catch in my throat. If I hadn't trusted him so completely, it might have frightened me how much lust was evident in that gaze.

"We... we can't do this..."

He froze, no longer looking in that nearly-predatory way he had just seconds before. It was as if I'd slapped him across the face; he gently pushed me off of himself, breathing heavily.

"Yeah. You're right. I... I don't know what I was thinking. I'm so sorry, Ally, I just-"

"Sh," I commanded, slipping my hand into his and looking up at my ceiling. "It's alright. You couldn't help it."

"Something like that," he agreed, though he didn't sound happy.

"Are you okay?"

"Honestly, no." He rolled onto his side, and I turned my head so I could make eye contact with him. "I feel like I've just done something terrible to you."

"But you didn't, Antonin. It's fine."

"I wanted to, Ally. If you could hear my thoughts-" Sighing, he broke off. "I'm so sorry. I'm such a sick-"

"Stop," I cut him off. "You're amazing. And it isn't a problem. It happens, okay? I love you. And nothing's going to change that. Isn't that all that matters?"

Smiling slightly, he ran his thumb down the side of my face. "I love you, too."

I yawned, then, and he pulled his hand out of mine and sat up. "I'd better let you get some sleep."

"No... stay... please." Really, I didn't want him to leave. We saw each other too seldom for me to allow him to be away for a minute more than he absolutely had to.

"Only until you're asleep, okay?" He brushed some hair back from my face and then settled back into my bed, wrapping his arms around me.

"Mmkay," I agreed, snuggling against his chest. Like always, he smelled good, that familiar cinnamon-and-rain-and-grass scent that I'd come to associate with him over the years. It wasn't long before I'd drifted off.

When I woke in the morning, I was extremely surprised to find that not only was he still with me, his arms wrapped around me possessively, but there was a breathtaking ring on my left ring finger. It was all the formal proposition I required- and I knew he knew without asking that I accepted.

* * *

Oh, Alecto and her silly self control. Review, please? (: Next chapter coming... soon!


	20. Chapter Nineteen

To be honest, there's no good excuse for me not updating this as often as I should have. I've just been busy playing video games and haven't been faithful to my writing or anything lately... sorry, guys. I'll try to do better! (: Hope your holidays are going well!

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**Chapter Nineteen**

The remainder of the school year whirled by in a rush of letters- not only from Antonin, but from my mother, who wrote a couple times a week about wedding preparations. I didn't always respect my mother for how she let herself be treated, but I was grateful for the enthusiasm with which she viewed my marriage.

I knew part of that was merely hoping that my relationship would be more than hers had ever been, but regardless of motive, I was happy to let her plan the decorations and guest list and whatever else she wanted. Her taste, even with our usually modest budget, had always been good. I wondered, though, what she was doing with the expanded funds the Dolohovs had provided.

Antonin's parents weren't completely thrilled that I was his choice for a bride- in their eyes, I was too plain, too middle-class, to ever be on "his level". That didn't stop them, though, from offering whatever was required on their part to make the ceremony a success. I figured they knew better than to disagree with their son- and besides, if they were involved in the most luxurious wedding of the year, it would no doubt only add to their prestige.

Antonin and I had only given the stipulation that it be a small affair- close friends and family only. Even so, we knew it would get more coverage in the Daily Prophet than the average wedding. His family had ties with people in authority, and probably would demand nothing less.

---

Their disapproval of my social status didn't stop them from wishing to mingle with my family, either. A week into my summer vacation, two months exactly before the date the wedding was set for, my family- well, my parents and myself; Amycus, who had been inducted as a Death Eater, was on some mission in Australia- was invited to their home for dinner.

The only reason I went, really, was because Antonin would be there, sitting right next to me, to keep me sane. Oh, and because I was afraid of the consequences if I didn't, but I would never admit to that.

As it turns out, I had great reason to be frightened of his parents. I'd met them before, but never in so personal a setting, and never before had they both looked me over appraisingly with obvious distaste in their eyes.

His father, I thought, was enough like Antonin that I might have been able to tolerate him; he was not quite as good looking as my fiancée, and was unmistakably colder in nature. His mother, on the other hand, was entirely terrifying, undeniably gorgeous, and the sort of woman who I couldn't look straight in the eyes without flinching slightly.

Antonin, who had escorted me from my house, squeezed my hand encouragingly as my parents greeted his.

"I'm not sure if I can do this," I whispered through my teeth.

"Sure you can," he replied, just as quiet. "Just be yourself- they'll love you." He sounded suspiciously unsure of himself as he declared it, but I didn't point that out.

"And if they don't?"

"I'll whisk you away to Greenland and we won't have to worry about them," he assured me with a soft smile, ameliorating my fears some.

A soft "ahem" from a nearby doorway broke off our whispered conversation, and immediately Antonin's mother was sweeping toward me. The striking contrast between her dark hair and pale skin really belonged in a Muggle horror film.

"Alecto." I suppose she was attempting for a "warm and maternal" sort of feeling in saying my name, but all I sensed was a terrifyingly blatant sense of disapproval. "I would like you to meet a very close childhood friend of Antonin's, Mademoiselle Margot LaRoux."

At my side, Antonin blanched- he apparently hadn't been expecting this- as the girl in question stepped into view, wearing something very red and very revealing, the dazzling white smile on her face making me feel sick to my stomach. I felt very plain in comparison, even though I was wearing my best emerald green gown, which- I'll admit- I bought because it went so well with the necklace he'd given me.

"She is visiting from France, and we absolutely did not want our son to miss an opportunity to… Rekindle his relationship with her." The woman's smile was too broad; she was enjoying my discomfort. My parents were oblivious, discussing politics with Antonin's father. "I hope you don't mind that she joins us this evening."

I did mind, and I knew that she had been certain that I would before inviting Margot.

"N-Not at all," I managed to stammer, taking a possessive step closer to Antonin.

The whole evening, actually, wasn't entirely a disaster. At least, I didn't do anything extremely embarrassing, and Antonin's quick grins and occasional winks from across the dinner table made things tolerable.

More than once, though, I bristled in anger as I watched him remove Margot's wandering hand from his thigh. The seating, I knew, had been no accident. His parents, ever watchful, smiled whenever they caught me glaring at her; time ticked away too slowly for my liking.

Finally, my father cleared his throat and made an offhanded comment about the late hour- I was pretty sure I'd never felt as much appreciation for him as I did just then.

As Antonin made motion to walk me out, though, his mother called, "Antonin, dear, would you please escort Margot home?" It wasn't a request.

"It would be unfitting for a lady to be out alone so late," his father added, his dark eyes on me suggesting that such a term would never apply to a person like myself.

My fiancée hesitated for a second, casting me a questioning sort of look, and I barely nodded my head- he really had no choice, after all. He caught the gesture, and, with a sigh, murmured, "Bye, love."

"Bye," I smiled weakly, before following my parents through the imposing front doors out to the front lawn, from where we could apparate home.

* * *

Don't you hate them?! I do. I really do. Next chapter coming soon... ish.... (:


	21. Chapter Twenty

I'm uploading two chapters today in order to try and make up for slacking so much! Sorry, guys, but you know, I'd probably be more likely to post regularly if I got more reviews.... Wink wink... (:

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**Chapter Twenty**

I hardly made it to my room before I felt tears trickling from my eyes. Why did his parents hate me so much? Perhaps I wasn't as pretty or rich as other girls, but Antonin didn't care. Why should they? I'd never done anything wrong, and when I was younger it almost seemed as if a relationship between him and myself was encouraged. It didn't make sense.

Then again, in a way, it did. I really wasn't on his level. I knew that. Perhaps our childhood friendship had only been for their amusement, so that they could watch him break my heart later. Or maybe it was personal. Maybe--

I jolted as I felt a hand rest lightly on my back. From my position on my stomach, I couldn't see who was there, but I had my suspicion- which was only confirmed when an all too familiar voice murmured, "What's wrong?"

Taking a deep breath, I dragged my arm across my eyes and turned to him. "Nothing, Antonin."

"You're lying," he accused with a smile. He knew me too well.

"Maybe," I admitted, though there was no way I would ever confess to being afraid of his parents.

Kneeling beside my bed, he smoothed my hair away from my face. "What is it?"

"Nothing important." I caught his hand before he could draw it back, and laced my fingers with his. "I'm alright."

"You sure?" There was a lot of concern in his tone. Something about the way he spoke made it awfully tempting to give in and tell him, but I wasn't going to fall for his persuasive act.

"I'm sure. Really."

"I hate it when you keep things from me, Ally." The hurt that had appeared in his eyes would made it seem like I had betrayed him. He wasn't making my whole not-revealing-anything policy very easy. I supposed I would have to think of a convincing lie before he wheedled me into telling the truth.

"Oh, cut the crap, Antonin. It's nothing. Nothing," I repeated for emphasis.

He rolled his eyes. "You," he started, pausing to lean in and kiss me before continuing, "are obnoxiously stubborn."

"And you love me," I answered, smirking.

Chuckling, he shrugged. "I suppose I do."

At my raised eyebrow, he elaborated, "It's a lot easier to when you'll tell me what's wrong. It almost makes me doubt that you love me back." His partial grin showed that he was half-joking.

"Don't you pull that card," I chided, even though he already had. "I've told you it doesn't matter."

"If something's wrong with you, it does matter. You're my whole world, Ally. I can't just sit back and let you be hurt."

I sighed. "I'm not hurt. There's just a lot going on right now."

"You were crying," he pointed out, which made me wonder how long he'd stood and watched me before putting his hand on my back.

"I'm a girl. It's what we do when we're overwhelmed."

"You're a lady," he corrected, "and ladies let gentlemen solve their problems for them."

"Your parents sure don't think I'm a lady," I mumbled.

"Is that what this is about?" Antonin guessed. "You think they don't like you?"

"I know they don't like me." I didn't answer the first part.

"Oh, Ally. Don't say that."

I frowned. "Why not? It's true. You saw-"

"You should have seen how they treated my other girlfriends. Trust me, Ally, they like you."

Sighing, I moved over, wordlessly inviting him to come lie next to me. "They scare me."

"I think that's the point," he told me as he climbed into my bed, one of his arms wrapping around my waist. "Don't let them get to you. I'll take care of you."

I didn't see what that last statement had to do with anything, but I snuggled against his chest anyway. "Okay."

"You're tired." It wasn't a question. "You should sleep." It wasn't a suggestion.

"Don't want you to leave..." I mumbled into his shirt.

"I won't, love. Shh. Sleep."

"Stay..." I may have managed before drifting off. My last thought was how warm and safe he felt, almost as if he was custom made to hold me like that.

I woke up many hours later and rubbed my eyes; it took me a second to register that I was completely alone in the dark.

"Antonin?" I whispered to my dark room, knowing there would be no answer. I felt like crying again all of the sudden. In all my life, I'd known Antonin to be many things, but never a liar- if he'd claimed he would stay, why hadn't he?

On the verge of tears, I curled up on my side, wondering where- and why- he'd gone. Before I could reach any conclusions, I'd fallen back asleep.

The next time I awoke, light was spilling through my window and Antonin was sitting on the edge of my bed. I wondered vaguely if I'd only dreamed of his absence, but the fact that he wasn't wearing what he'd been the night before clued me in. He had been gone.

I frowned, meeting his gaze inquisitively.

"Where were you?" I couldn't hide the hurt in my voice.

"I didn't think you would wake up," he informed me, slowly. "I was..." His eyes were focused pointedly on the floor. "I was in London."

"Why?" And why was he so hesitant to say anything?

Wordlessly, he pulled back his left sleeve. Tattooed there, black against his flawless skin, was a likeness of the mark that my brother had taken when he'd joined the Dark Lord's ranks- the Dark Mark. "You know what this is, yes?"

"How long?" I questioned.

He seemed reluctant as he replied, "September."

September. We'd been together in September. He should have told me in September.

"And you said nothing because...?"

"It's dangerous, Ally. I didn't want you worried."

"Did you think I wouldn't find out? Lorraine told me months ago. I thought she was just spreading rumours..."

Pulling his sleeve down over his forearm, Antonin sighed, "I'm really sorry Alecto. I didn't mean to anger you."

"I'm not mad. I'm just offended. I thought you would tell me something like that."

"I wanted to. Please believe me. I..." he cringed suddenly. "Look, Ally, I have to go."

"Why? Antonin-"

"I'll come by again soon. Don't be mad. I love you."

"I'm not--"

He cut me off with a kiss and then disappeared, leaving me baffled and frustrated in his wake.

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More drama! Just what you always wanted, right? (: Don't forget to review! Next chapter, coming up in a few minutes.


	22. Chapter Twenty One

As always, please review when you're done reading! I hope you like this chapter. (: The next one will be up before the end of the week.

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**Chapter Twenty One**

When Antonin didn't come back by that night, I was concerned. When a whole week went by without a word from him, though, my concern blossomed into fully fledged panic. I tried writing, but my owl always returned without having delivered the letter. His fire was no longer connected to the Floo system. By the seventh day, I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown.

Because I didn't know whether I should be worried or angry, I refused to be either- instead, I busied myself in helping my mother prepare for the wedding. As long as I could stay occupied, I didn't have much time to brood over his absence.

And, despite the fact that my mother had been making arrangements for a while, there was still enough to be done that I was certainly busy. Two weeks after he'd disappeared, we made our way to Diagon Alley in order to find the perfect wedding dress.

My taste in clothing, much like my taste in everything else (except men, when you look at Antonin) is a tad on the plain side. I've never been fond of standing out in a crowd. For this reason, I couldn't really imagine myself traipsing down the aisle in a poofy white gown.

"Alecto, the whole point is to look absolutely stunning," my mother sighed by the fifth dress. "You can't keep dismissing dresses as 'too flashy'. That's the objective."

I frowned and disappeared back into the dressing room for dress number six- I wondered if I'd make it through the store's entire stock without finding what I was looking for. Probably so. After all, even I wasn't sure what exactly it was that I was trying to find.

Dresses six and seven were both far too frilly. I was getting fed up, and told my mother so. "Mum, I want something less... fairy tale. More... er..." I gestured at the dress I was wearing, "not like this."

"Alecto. You're being difficult."

"I'm being realistic," I answered stubbornly. "If I try to wear this, I'll kill myself."

She sounded irritated as she threatened, "If you don't pick something, I'm going to make you get your dress from a Muggle store."

There was only one dress left to try on. Much to my pleasure, it was far simpler than the elaborate gowns my mother had been tending toward- and the best part of all was that it looked incredible on.

"This one," I declared triumphantly, as I turned so my mother could observe from all angles. "This is it."

"Are you sure you don't want something fancier?" She almost sounded disappointed. I had to remind myself that her own marriage had been practically forced upon her by her parents, and that she hadn't gotten much choice in anything. Whereas I was perfectly happy letting other people make the arrangements for me, I supposed she saw my wedding in a very different light.

"I'll let you pick the bridesmaids' dresses," I promised her. "I just don't want my dress to... detract from things."

"Alright," she acquiesced, shooting a longing glance at the pile of rejected dresses.

I left the store feeling much better about the whole wedding situation- after all, I had just purchased what was, quite probably, the most important garment I would ever have. It had been plaguing me for weeks, and had turned out relatively painless- apart from the pin Madame Malkin had accidentally jabbed me with while taking in the hem of the dress.

My mother and I paused for an ice cream at Florean Fortescue's ice cream parlour, and it was as we were leaving that my heart just about stood still in my ribcage.

I saw Antonin.

And I saw Margot.

And I saw Margot kissing Antonin. Right there. In the middle of Diagon Alley.

Before my mother could notice that, I dragged her around the corner in the opposite direction.

"Alecto?" she ventured timidly.

"I need to get home," I replied quickly, perhaps a tad too harshly. "I have things to do."

"Oh. Okay. Well, let's get home then," she agreed meekly.

I cringed slightly- my mother had always been a bit too much of a pushover, and I hated taking advantage of that. It reminded me of how my father always seemed to intimidate her into doing his bidding.

---

The second I got home, it occurred to me that I should probably feel like crying. But I didn't, not in the slightest. I'd expected this, even. It wasn't as if my mind hadn't explored all the possible options of Antonin's whereabouts while he'd been gone. Maybe his parents had forced him to choose her over me?

Or perhaps he'd been messing around all along, and I'd just never caught him.

Somehow, the notion sounded ridiculous. I knew what I'd seen, but even that couldn't make me doubt Antonin's faithfulness. Something just wasn't adding up.

"Ally."

I thought I might have fallen asleep and begun dreaming when he walked into my room. I said nothing.

I didn't move when he embraced me, didn't respond when he kissed me. In fact, I was so occupied trying to wake myself up that I almost forgot the fact that the love of my life- or at least, who I'd thought was the love of my life- was standing right there.

"Ally, say something."

My teeth gritted together. "Why?" It could have been a response to his command, or applicable a number of other things he'd done recently.

"I'm so. Sorry." He kissed me again, and I remembered that he was holding me. I twisted out of his arms, out of his reach. "The Dark Lord- he has plans you wouldn't believe, Ally- he sent me away, and I couldn't tell you about it. I really wanted to, but I was forbidden and-- I'm so sorry."

"And?"

A frown spread across his face. "It's not going to happen again, Ally. He was just testing my loyalty. Just making sure that I wouldn't betray him for the sake of my only weakness- that is, you. Next time, I can tell you, or take you-- some of the spells he's taught us, Ally, you wouldn't believe--"

I dodged as he tried to embrace me again. "Why were you in Diagon Alley, then? Why were you... were you... snogging Margot?"

Surprise registered across his features, but not guilt. I waited.

"She- I- Ally, you think I would voluntarily kiss that whore? I was going to buy you flowers when she assaulted me in the street. I didn't-"

"Likely story," I answered scathingly. "You always were a good liar."

"I'm not lying," he insisted. "Please, listen-"

"Look, I don't care where you've been or what- or who- you've been doing."

The genuine pain that crossed his countenance was something that I wasn't used to. I froze, suddenly incapable of feeling any more anger toward him, even if he had cheated. Why was I always so helpless where he was concerned?

"Alecto..." The tone of his voice was so pitiful. "Listen."

I looked away from him, listening.

"I'll drink Veritaserum if you won't believe me. It wasn't me. I would never, ever do anything to hurt you- you know that. You know that."

My eyes met his. I did know that.

Or did I?

"I want to believe you," I informed him slowly, biting my lower lip hesitantly. "I just..."

"You can't," he finished for me. "I wish it wasn't that way. Sometimes, I would like nothing better than for you to be able to read my mind and know that I'm being completely honest, Ally..."

Such sincerity was obvious in his voice that there wasn't much I could do but believe him. I knew he was an expert liar, but for some reason, I simply had to believe him that time. It couldn't have been his fault- the Antonin I knew never would have done something like that to me. He just wouldn't.

"Antonin."

"Yes, love?"

I hesitated for a moment, and then I let myself step back into his arms where I belonged. "I love you."

"I love you, too." It sounded like a promise.

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Review? I think so. (: I even ended on a happy note. Aren't they just the most adorably foolish people you've ever seen? Yeah. Thought so.


	23. Chapter Twenty Two

Guess who's back? I'm SO sorry I disappeared for like, months. Life got super crazy and... okay, there's really not too much of an excuse I can offer. I just didn't feel like updating. For a very long time. Thanks SO much to my readers for staying with me and I promise to not disappear for that long ever again unless I get grounded or something that really requires I not update. Yeah. Alright. I'll be quiet and let you read your chapter now.

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**Chapter Twenty Two**

Antonin took to spending most nights in my room, just so that we could have time together; he was getting increasingly busier with his Death Eater activities as the summer wore on.

Of course, half the time he would get called away in the early hours of the morning. He would always wake me up slightly as he left, I think on purpose, just so that I wouldn't miss him. I hardly ever noticed when he returned, though. All I knew was that I woke up in the morning with his arms around me, feeling as if I could handle anything the day threw at me just because he was there.

My parents were happily oblivious to the arrangement, naturally. Such a thing would definitely have registered as "improper" to them, even if we weren't doing anything wrong.

One night, though, I was awoken when he returned from one of his late-night missions by a low stream of expletives.

"Antonin?" I mumbled to the darkness, sitting up slightly and blinking in the too-bright light his wand was emitting.

"Go back to sleep, love," he commanded gently.

"What's wrong?" I questioned, because seemingly something was.

He sighed. "Just bleeding a bit is all. Nothing that won't heal. Go back to sleep."

Peering at him a bit more closely, I realised that 'a bit' was an understatement. There was a dark bruise across his cheekbone, and as he finished shrugging out of his robe, I saw that there was a fairly deep gash in his left shoulder.

"You're hurt," I gasped, standing so I could look more closely. "What happened?"

"I told you before, what I do is dangerous. It's nothing, Ally."

"Antonin... what have you been doing, every time you've been gone?" I'd avoided asking questions for this long, but suddenly, it seemed much more important. Especially considering the fact that half of his chest was bloody from the wound on his shoulder.

"Spying, some." He paused, his facial expression unreadable in the shadows as he extinguished the light coming from his wand. "Getting information. Taking care of certain problems."

As my eyes adjusted to the dark, my eyes once again were drawn to the cut he'd acquired. "Tell me without the euphemisms, Antonin. I want to know the truth."

"No you don't," he responded softly.

"Please, tell me," I pleaded, gently touching the side of his face. He winced when my fingers brushed against his bruise, and I pulled my hand away quickly.

"Spying is just what it sounds like." He looked away as he continued, "We get information mostly through use of... er... force."

"Torture, then?" I wouldn't put it past most of the guys I'd gone to school with, that was for sure.

Still not meeting my eyes, he nodded.

"And... taking care of problems?"

"Do you know who the Order of the Phoenix is?"

I shook my head in the negative.

"There are people who don't agree with the Dark Lord's ideals- mudblood lovers and fools, if you ask me. And they've created their own little alliance."

"And they create problems?"

"More than you would think." The mere thought of it seemed to disgust him.

"We'll defeat them, though. No one has been able to stand against the Dark Lord yet," I assured him.

With a dismissive nod, he abruptly changed the subject. "Ally, it's late. You ought to sleep."

"You ought to, as well," I returned stubbornly. "You've slept less than I have."

"I don't require beauty sleep," he grinned, suddenly lighthearted again.

"Obviously you haven't seen yourself lately. There's probably something- at least for that bruise- in the medicine cabinet. Are you sure you don't need to go to St. Mungo's?"

"I'm mostly healed, just not clean," he shrugged. "We've got a Healer on our side who does an alright job of healing up cuts- you usually can't even see."

Frowning, I asked, "So this isn't the first time you've been hurt?"

"I can usually avoid it," he assured me. "This is the worst it's gotten."

Pursing my lips disapprovingly, I murmured, "I don't like that, Antonin."

"I knew you wouldn't."

"Then why do you do it?"

"Some things are worth fighting for, Ally. The purity of our kind is one of them."

"But-"

"Get in bed, Ally. I'll be there in a minute."

Suddenly, I was very tired; I did as he'd instructed and listened to the sound of my own breathing, not even hearing him as he left the room to clean himself up. I'd fallen asleep before he returned.

---

He and I no longer discussed his activities supporting Voldemort- he said I'd be better off not knowing, and I sort of believed him.

This did not, however, make me any less tense about the fact that he was in mortal danger many times a week, nor did it mitigate all the stress that was catching up to me about my fast approaching wedding.

I was dying to vent, to let out the tension that had been building in my mind, and a solo trip to Diagon Alley for a final fitting of my dress one week before the wedding provided the perfect opportunity in the form of Margot Leroux.

When I saw the flawless blonde back of someone's head, I knew without even getting any closer that it was her; the overwhelming scent of perfume pervading the street was a dead giveaway. Anger that had been building in the recesses of my mind for some time suddenly decided to resurface, and I swept across the street and dug my nails into her shoulder, whirling her around to face me.

Margot looked mildly surprised. "'Oo are you?" she inquired, hardly finishing before I could snap,

"You don't know who you're messing with."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean," I hissed, "the fact that you can't keep your dirty French claws off of my husband."

"Oh, you are Tony's Alecto?"

"Damn right I am. And you'd better stay away from him."

"Ze last time I checked, you were not married."

"We will be in a matter of days," I snapped. "It's no excuse—"

With a bitter grin, she asked, "And 'oo are you to stop me, hmm? Silly little girl- you must know zat Antonin will not stay faithful."

I gritted my teeth together. "Just because he wouldn't lower his standards for a whore like you doesn't mean he can't love me."

Laughing at that, she replied, "Zere is no way anyone like 'im would ever learn 'ow to love, especially someone like you."

I didn't even think before my fist had collided with her nose with a sickening crunch. Words weren't even necessary- I apparated back to my house as soon as I saw blood begin trickling down her face.

---

Antonin came to see me later that evening.

I was thrilled to see him; more thrilled than usual, that is. It took me a second to realize he didn't do anything even though I'd thrown my arms around him. Usually, such a display from me would have merited some sort of reaction. Confused, I pulled back.

"... Antonin?"

"Alecto." His tone was even, but there was something about it that made me step back a bit farther.

"What's wrong?" I asked, a bit worried, my initial good mood suddenly dissipated.

"Oh, I don't know," he commented sarcastically. "It couldn't possibly be the fact that my parents are outraged because their closest allies on the European continent suddenly hate them due to a certain fiancee of mine punching their daughter in the face."

My eyebrows raised. Oh.

"So what, you're mad at me for losing my temper with her? Don't tell me you spent a single minute with her without wanting to do the exact same thing."

"The difference is that I controlled myself, Alecto."

"Are you sure you're not just upset about your dear Margot's beautiful nose being broken?"

"Shut up." I flinched slightly- there was something in his voice I didn't want to cross. "I'm not happy about this, Alecto. It doesn't accomplish anything except for causing my parents to form a very permanent grudge against you."

"Antonin, she kissed you. What was I supposed to do? Be completely passive about it? What do you want, complete freedom to do whatever you'd like with whoever you'd like whenever you'd like? Because I was under the impression-"

"I said shut up," he repeated, very calmly. His eyes were so dark they looked black; I shrank back, scared.

"I didn't mean to make you mad," I whispered, very softly. "I didn't mean to do anything."

"But you did. You let your emotions run away with you, like usual, and now look where it's gotten us. Alecto, it's not just the Leroux family- this is a matter of having the French Ministry of Magic's support of the Dark Lord."

"Oh..." I had to swallow to keep from crying. "Oh. Antonin I'm-"

"What, you're sorry?" he laughed harshly. "That's not changing anything. Why couldn't you have just thought for once?"

I looked down at my lap, "I didn't mean to."

For a moment, everything was quiet. I looked up and realised he wasn't watching me. His eyes were fixed on the wall, his arms crossed, his jaw clenched. I'd never seen him so livid- nor had I ever had to fight so hard not to cry.

"I-" I began, but his eyes snapped onto me and I fell silent immediately.

"But you did, Alecto. You really screwed things up."

"I'm sorry!"

"Don't say that. It's stupid. It doesn't help anything. It just makes you look ridiculous."

"What do you want me to say, then? If you're so pissed and you don't want an apology, why'd you even come here? Just to tell me what a failure I am? Alright, thanks, now I know that the world would be better off without me."

His eyes narrowed. "You don't have to be so bloody sensitive all the time."

"I wasn't aware that responding how any rational human being would was considered being sensitive."

"Shut the hell up, Alecto."

Tears began to leak out of the corners of my eyes, and I hastily wiped them away before he could see and make some other comment about me being stupid or sensitive or whatever else he wanted to call me. "No. This is my house."

Again, he was silent.

"Get out of my room," I commanded softly after a moment. "And don't come back."

"No," he answered, just as quietly, and before I realised it he was standing over me on my bed. "Ally..."

A sob shook my body as I stared at him, terrified.

"Ally..." his tone was suddenly gentle. "Please don't cry."

"I'll cry if I bloody want," I answered. "You don't just come rant at me about how much I'm a failure and then tell me what to do."

"Please, Ally." His hand ghosted over the side of my face, removing a tear. "Please. Stop crying."

"What is wrong with you?" I inquired incredulously. "Are you bloody manic?"

"Possibly." His jaw clenched again. "Look, I... Ally. I didn't mean that. Any of it. It's just so hard sometimes, and they... I just..." With a sigh, he took a step away.

"What?"

"The Dark Lord already doesn't really approve of my devotion to you, Alecto. Imagine what he'll say if you've just cost him a lot of influence."

I groaned. "Antonin, I'm sorry, but... I guess I just didn't think that... I mean..." Suddenly, something registered in my mind. "They'll try to kill me, won't they?"

"No," he answered softly, evenly. "You have nothing to worry about."

"But..."

"Don't worry, Alecto, I'll take all the blame."

"They'll kill you."

"Hurt, possibly. Kill, I doubt it."

"You can't, Antonin. I was stupid. It's my fault. I'm so sorry."

"I'm not mad, Alecto," he informed me. "I was, but... I'm really not, now. She got what was coming to her. Apparently her nose won't be quite straight ever again." He sounded perfectly delighted.

I frowned at how quickly he'd changed emotions. "Do you think we're ready to get married, Antonin?"

"Never more ready for anything," he assured me, not even hesitating. I was baffled.

"So that's it, then? You're going to practically explode at me, and then you're over it?"

"Ally... life's too short to stay upset. And I hate it when you cry, besides."

"What do you think they'll do to you?"

"Maybe use crucio," he shrugged. "I can stand it."

I flinched. He would undergo that, just for the sake of keeping me out of trouble?

"Antonin... can't we just run away to Greenland or something?"

"He'd find us." There was something sinister about the way he spoke.

"What does he have against me in the first place?"

"Well, it's more that you're my one weakness, and love is... not accepted. Though there's also the fact that I'm not going to allow you to become a Death Eater."

"What does that have to do with anything? I don't even want to-"

"I know. But in the case that you did, the Dark Lord thinks you would be valuable."

"He said that?"

"Not flat out, but the way your brother carries on about you, I'm surprised you haven't been made a Death Eater by force already."

"What?"

Antonin shook his head. "I've said too much already. It's getting late."

"It's not quite eight in the evening."

"I mean I'm getting late. I have an... appointment tonight."

"Oh."

"Don't wait up for me."

I nodded, and he kissed me, a bit more roughly than usual.

"I love you, Ally."

Before I could return the statement, he was gone.

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Dun dun duhhhh! Yeah. Expect a new chapter VERY soon. Like, within minutes. As always, please review and stuff!


	24. Chapter Twenty Three

Another chapter, seeing as I really owe y'all one after that long wait! Yay!

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**Chapter Twenty Three**

The days of the week preceding our wedding seemed shorter than normal days were supposed to be. Rather than being apprehensive, as I've heard most brides become, I only grew more eager to get it over with. Well, the ceremony, that is- the marriage part itself, I was sure, would be amazing. There was really nothing more appealing than a lifetime with Antonin.

My mother woke me on the morning of the wedding, in many ways just as excited as I was.

It seemed to take hours and hours to get ready. With help from Witch Bridal Magazine, my mother transformed me from my usual rather plain self into a gorgeous, dark-haired beauty that stared back at me from the mirror, a look of disbelief across her pale face.

She'd just finished pinning my hair up elegantly when Antonin's mother entered and looked me over scathingly before smoothly informing my mother, "Your husband was looking for you."

"Oh!" Lowering her voice, my mother whispered, "I'll be right back, 'Lecto," and then disappeared quickly; I watched her leave before allowing my eyes to snap back onto the woman darkly looming over me.

Her dress was so dark a green it might as well have been black, and I thought it better suited for a funeral than a wedding, but wisely didn't mention it. Voice dripping with acid, she drawled, "You know I don't think you are worthy to marry my son, yes?"

Nodding, I answered boldly, "That's not going to change anything."

A cruel smile twisted her lips. "Perhaps that's what you think."

"... What?" I quickly questioned, a tiny bit startled.

She chuckled darkly and was about to elaborate when the sound of footsteps came from the hall. Her eyes narrowed and she hissed into my ear, "You'd better pray I don't say anything when they ask if there are any objections."

My mother entered obliviously, looking a bit confused, as Antonin's mother swept out of the room without another word. "I don't know where your father's gotten to, but I suppose he'll come find me if he needs," my mum babbled, not attuned to the fact that I was holding back tears. In a moment of uncharacteristic perceptiveness, though, she paused, her eyes scanning my face. "Is something wrong, Alecto?"

Shaking my head vehemently, I quickly lied, "I'm just... happy, is all. Excited."

Her knowing smile made me feel almost guilty for lying, but my mother didn't need to know the truth.

"Yes, well, we'd best be going soon, you know," she advised. "Your father's probably gone on ahead, and you don't want to be late."

A girlish smile crossed her face, and suddenly the worn, tired look I'd come to accept as my mother's usual expression had been replaced with something much brighter that made her look years younger; I supposed that had her marriage to my father been better, it may have been the countenance I'd grown accustomed to over the course of my life.

I hugged her affectionately, something I couldn't remember doing even as a small child. "Alright, mum."

The moments ticked by, too slowly and too quickly all at once. It was like I wasn't entirely conscious of my actions up to the point where I raised my eyes to see Antonin beaming at me from in front of the altar. The only thing that kept me from sprinting down the aisle toward him then was my father's arm holding mine.

If I'd ever thought that my love was gorgeous, that thought was suddenly intensified a million times; my eyes didn't leave his face all through our vows. Everything that was going on- the man from the Daily Prophet clicking pictures from the front row, Antonin's mother glaring murderously at me but blissfully silent, my mother sobbing happily into her handkerchief- was drowned out by the fact that within seconds, he was going to be mine, bound by magic and by law, forever.

My state of ecstatic numbness remained all through the reception, which passed in a blur of dances and champagne and smiling faces and well-wishing. Antonin hardly let go of my hand through the whole evening, until the point where I had to go change into something more suitable for travel. He hadn't told me where we were going for our honeymoon, but he promised I would love it and kissed my nose whenever I asked, dodging the question.

It seemed like way too long before I was dressed in a slinky little periwinkle number that my mother had chosen. My only desire was to return to his side as my mother continued to pester me about what I'd packed in my suitcase; I dismissively assured her I'd be fine and apparated to his house in Hogsmeade, which we would be leaving from.

---

"Ally," he grinned, breathlessly, when I entered his parlour. His eyes were shining with some sort of emotion, and he curled one hand behind my head and pulled me into a kiss that was far more insistent than the one that had sealed our marriage earlier in the day. "You're absolutely radiant, darling."

A shy smile crept across my face, but I wasn't really sure what to say. Arms wrapping around my waist, he whispered into my ear, "We ought to go... our Portkey's set to leave pretty soon."

Nodding, I pressed one more short kiss to his mouth. "Where are we going?"

He let go of me and shrank my luggage down for me, slipping it into the front pocket of his shirt.

"Would it kill you to just tell me?" I prodded, but he just shook his head.

"You'll find out in all of five minutes, Mrs. Dolohov." I was a tad taken aback at the name, but I knew I could get used to it.

Five minutes too long, I wanted to reply, but instead I rolled my eyes and queried, "So... where's the Portkey?"

With a soft laugh, he slipped his fingers through mine. "The back yard, love. Come on."

I'd been at his- now our- house a few times over the summer, but never in the yard. The sun was setting over the grassy lawn, which was surrounded by a white picket fence and nothing too remarkable. There was a little patio, but it lacked any furniture; I supposed that Antonin seldom travelled out there, so there really hadn't been a point.

"Here," he said softly, rummaging through the pocket of his pants and producing a rather old looking piece of paper. "Quickly, Ally."

My fingers brushed against the parchment just in time. The yard spun out of view and I closed my eyes; I'd never enjoyed travel by Portkey when I could help it. I stumbled into Antonin moments later, having presumably arrived at our destination. Though my head was spinning and my stomach a bit unsettled, I felt my eyes widening as I pulled back and got a good look around myself.

"Oh, Merlin," I whispered, astonished, turning to look at my husband. He only grinned in return, seeming quite self-satisfied.

"Welcome to Zamok Krasivaya, love," he beamed, gesturing around the incredible hall that surrounded us. "It's been in my family for generations."

"What is this place?" I breathed.

The room we stood in- which had so many doors I knew it was only one of many grand halls in the building- could easily have swallowed five of my bedroom at home. The whole place was draped in rich colours, with expensive looking art lining the walls, covering the ceiling, and even etched into the doors and floor. The glinting of gold caught my eye whenever I turned my head; it took me a moment to adjust to the elaborate furnishings.

"It's where my family lived before some of them immigrated to England," he answered. "Come on, I'll show you the master suite."

I followed him for what seemed like hours, turning down many hallways and climbing many stairwells until I was sure I would never be able to navigate the way out of the castle without him. The entire place was decorated in much the same way as the entry hall, though the temperature grew cooler as we climbed. Finally, he pushed an elaborately carved door open, gesturing for me to go in before him.

It was a room that any self-respecting Slytherin would have considered well-decorated. Everything seemed to be covered in the same iridescent dark green, though the furniture was black and trimmed in silver. Remembering that he had been the first in his family not to attend Durmstrang, I wondered at this until he answered my thoughts, "I had the furnishings updated in here. I hope you'll find it accommodating."

Gesturing to a door on the far side of the room, he added, "The bathroom's been modernized a bit, as well. I hope you don't mind the green, I thought it might make it feel a bit more... homey to you."

I nodded, and he smiled gently. "Do you need anything, love?"

"No," I answered softly, glancing at the empty fireplace that took up a large portion of the wall opposite- which was really saying something, considering the considerable size of the wall.

"I'm going to go let the house elves know we've arrived, then." He seemed to understand the fact that my thoughts were currently scattered, and I needed a moment to myself to re-focus. I'd had a very long day, after all. "I'll be back in a minute, alright?"

Again, I nodded, smiling at him, and then occupied myself by observing the details of the room more closely. The canopy bed was large, and yet was dwarfed in the spacious suite. There was a massive wardrobe standing next to the large window, through which I could only see a sliver of the moon in the night sky. And the walls were covered in narrow panels, twice as tall as I was, into which were carved what I recognized as fairy tales from my childhood.

Moving to take a closer look, I wondered how long the stories had truly been around; this castle must have been at least a couple centuries old, and the woodwork was probably equally as antiquated.

"This is one of the oldest buildings in Russia, you know," a voice stated from behind, surprising me.

Antonin's hand caught mine before I could run my fingers over the dark paneling on the wall. "And, seeing as it's been uninhabited since my great uncle Demetri died, I figured it would be a good place to, ah..." spinning me around, he pulled me against himself, tilting his head so that his face as barely an inch above my own. "Spend time together. And of course there's always the Wizarding district in Moscow we can visit, if you want."

At the moment, though, there was only one thing I wanted, and it certainly wasn't a visit to a city. I pressed my lips against his with some insistence by means of answer, and he, realising exactly what I was trying to communicate, pulled me closer willingly, one hand trailing to the zipper of my dress.

* * *

Mmm steamy, right? Haha. Next chapter coming soon- and sorry I rushed the wedding. It was just awkward for me, I dunno. Review? I think you should.


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